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Too Delusional To Love

I waited for the call, that I knew was never going to come
The voice that would finalize my story once and for all
All of this time I have been waiting for you…
It is silent…there are no needles falling…
Like stones I cast out my thoughts while hoping that one may catch your attention
“As soon as you receive this letter come find me…I am in desperate need of an audience.”
Written in bold thick ink
I pour my heart out to you…
Pressing down onto these keys as though I were Beethoven...
My apologizes…my thoughts are as his ears were…yet still I will do my best to try to make you feel my words…my love, lust, urge to feel, breath and taste every part of your soul….
If pleasure had a taste it would cripple me
Tare me down and leave me bare in these dirty streets
Stuttering my own personal hymns as I try to reach out towards composer….that no longer exist
Yet still as I pour my soul out
You are still no where to be seen
Are you near?
Too far for my words to be heard?
Do my words not please you?…
Am I being too insecure?
Please…I am sorry
Please for give my selfishness
My unwillingness to see that you, yourself had feelings that I must have overlooked somewhere
Should I throw away this note and start off fresh?
Are these words that I am reciting a bit too much?
I…am…sitting here alone in a quite room with just a desk, chair and a candle with my heart looking upon a light that is no longer warming its insides.
While I gaze into nothingness…this was all I seen when I woke up and found you no longer here
It was like you had never existed
There was no print of your body, no clothes, no sent…there was not even a footprint
Were you just a part of my active imagination?
Did you come to me in a dream?
Am I going to have to return back to my old unwanted place?
I…I get it.
This is just another game
I will play it…and I will win
I will be victorious this time around
But…what if I don’t?
Would this mean that I will never hear your voice again?
Or stand beside you as we look out towards the ocean, while watching the moon dance over the waves
A kiss to the forehead…and a kiss to my lips
A deep inhale of your existence…and soft touches upon my cheeks.
By the time you receive this letter I will be nothing but ashes.
Do with me as you please…
Just…allow me to continue to think…
That you…loved me.
Written by BlkLyrycE
Published
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