Ether Defined - For all my lovelies who saw my beauty, you made me smile - Now For Its Truth In Plain(Poet)speak ;)

I'm getting older,
what else can I say?
While doing something that to most
would be considered nothing,
now said plainly and simple...

I fucked up my back

So I've been forced to lie flat
and I'm pretty pissed about that,
[under these circumstances anyway]

I feel curled into myself
wishing my suffering would disappear,
never to experience it again,
and with all things considered,
I certainly feel I'm deserving
of a little break

I hear the muffled wishes made
upon the teardrops I shed
Calling out to Jesus
as I try and rise
from an unfamiliar bed
[my ass hasn't been in there for more than a frickin decade]

Each tear found to be filled
with all that I am...
everything I carry,
every burden...
my pure of heart, my naive innocence

An abused little girl hides
behind a smile, feeling trapped;
unable to move forward, each step
too emotionally and physically painful,
left to question my worth,
feeling it close to practically nothing
["He" being the reason for the italics
and He knows who He is]

Each piece of salt is licked or wiped away
once falling into the cupped palm of my hands
Swallowing Oxycodone quickly,
they will take away all of the agonies
troubling both my mind and body

I morph into non thinking...
giving way to a peaceful silent land
[however, we all know I'd prefer that be in the hands of a Dominant, but...He's too far away]

So for now,
I can Thank God
[and the pharmaceutical company]
it's now stopped...
Please...will this be the end?

Suddenly I hear voices
off in the distance...
some shitty horror movie comes into focus
on the part with a cheesy fuck scene
accompanied by the worst
moans and noisy screams
[I know now why I never dvr'd it...]
when the pain comes back
so overwhelming

Time frame is up,
on schedule for the next dose
I feel as I did 4 hours ago...
no improvement,
time went by so quickly, I suppose
I'm going to need to take me some more

I'm overcome emotionally
with all which has been happening
and I do what a Pisces creature would do,
I cry again, asking why...
all alone with no one there
to actually hear my pitiful pleas

My darkness will soon go away though,
after I swallow once more
Taking hold of the oxy's there
as I weaken and give in
out of desperation,
to let them invade my physical being
and then quiet my rampant psyche...

when I can no longer endure
the level of discomfort...
greedy and hungry,
so impatient
to have
the next dose
gift me freedom and salvation
from this crippling injury

even if it be just for a spell...

hoping it will all just go away...

so I will be able
to once again

without medication,
finally free
of any pain...

Author's Note: Comments on my write Ether prompted me to write this...interesting thing, words can create "beautiful" out of just about pleased me to see I had that ability...
Thank you to all who saw that write as such and left me a comment telling me, so I'd know :)

Copyright 2016 Schiitaryn McKenna. All Rights Reserved
Written by Taryn
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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