deepundergroundpoetry.com
Obsessed Over You
Like the venom,
which never kills its snake,
Your love is like the oldest wine,
which is impossible to make,
Your voice is like the Hamlin's pied piper,
which makes me desperate,
Like Krishna's flute,
which even God cannot fake.
which never kills its snake,
Your love is like the oldest wine,
which is impossible to make,
Your voice is like the Hamlin's pied piper,
which makes me desperate,
Like Krishna's flute,
which even God cannot fake.
Published 21st Dec 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 3
reads 784
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
21st Dec 2016 2:55pm
Very beautiful!!! Short sassy and sweet!! Keep up the great work!!! JJonz........
22nd Dec 2016 10:46am
Everything is well said. Nice and simple to understand with good similes. Thanks for this and keep at it!
27th Dec 2016 00:37am
Your similes are quite specific and unique. The punctuation was a little confusing. But overall the piece creatively discloses very deep emotions of intimate love, especially in these lines:
"Your love is like the oldest wine,
which is impossible to make,
Your voice is like the Hamlin's pied piper,
which makes me desperate."
"Your love is like the oldest wine,
which is impossible to make,
Your voice is like the Hamlin's pied piper,
which makes me desperate."
