"HAPPY HOLIDAY ?

That's not what i see ,what i feel.
Depressed all 24/7 this shit is hella real.
Sometimes i wish i didn't believe in god,so myself i'd kill.
I hate life with a passion.
No sleep,no relaxin'.
It's all one big fuckin' migraine.
Pressure behind my eye'z,ahh the fuckin' pain.
What's the purpose of livin' this bullshit life?
I don't know.And until i know,this insane shit,i'll continue to write.
Everybody i ever loved in this damned life,have already died.
Left me here all so utterly alone,to deal with this shit,i still cried.
I'll continue to shed my bloody tears on the past.
The past is where all my happy times last.
I didn't believe it when i was a young kid.
As an adult i see that love is pain,love is hurt,love is shit.
All my past heartbreaks,i thank you.
Thank you for filling my,my heart and mind with so much hurt.
Thank you.
Thank you and fuck you.
There ain't nothing happy about this holiday season.
All the despair.
All the agony.
Present and future bullshit is the cause, is the damn reason.
Body aches.
Body shakes.
Not much more of this will i be able to take.
Before i completely shut down and break.
Dealing with an overload of stress.
I used to think life was a test or a quest.
To see how much the human body can with with,it's just a pest.
Fuck the rest.
I feel all so abandoned in this world.
Pain and death= sorrow.
That's all,that's been in my world.
Everyday of my fucked up life,i ask god.
Why? why was i left here?
Left all alone,all whom i hold dear to me.
Taken away from me.
So damn alone.
So fuckin' alone.
Mutha fuck a burial plot and a damned headstone.
Cremate my corpse,then flush my ashes down the toilet.
Not much money spent.
No surprises,my demise nothing to spoil it.
Here i go again.
Back to my past,my life of much sin.
Piece by piece my soul turns to darkness.
Walk out in the cold.
Slowly of myself there isn't much left,i guess.Slowly i grown old.
After all the loss i've dealt with in my life.
It's a fuckin' miracle i'm still alive.
That i  haven't just gone ahead and ended this shit,ended this fuckin' mess.
No one left alive that gives a damn for me.
No one left alife that loves me,unconditionally.
This shit is worse than bad luck.
This here is the shit,they call a mind fuck.
All i know now,is to pray and wait.
Pray for my lord to take.
Take me outta here.
Again i say,death i do not fear.
And as i anxiously stand by for jesus to take my soul home.
To that place where i'll never ever ever be alone.
Until that day, you'll never hear me say  "HAPPY HOLIDAY'