deepundergroundpoetry.com
Dear Santa (Xmas Haiku)
gimme twenty bucks
or I tell security
you touched my penis
or I tell security
you touched my penis
Published 17th Dec 2016
| Edited 22nd Dec 2016
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The author encourages honest critique.
17th Dec 2016 9:19am
19th Dec 2016 6:07pm
17th Dec 2016 1:40pm
19th Dec 2016 6:07pm
18th Dec 2016 9:45pm
A sorry but truthful state of affairs in some places these days David...abuse, extortion, the body used as a vehicle for monetary or sexual gain...am I going too deep here????
I'm not sure if I should be mentioning this as your last few poems have been fighting ones but what the heck...
the first line is not 5 syllables, i.e. it's 6...maybe try 'man, a hundred bucks...' or drop the 'a' from the first line...
am I being pedantic?...lol...
I'm not sure if I should be mentioning this as your last few poems have been fighting ones but what the heck...
the first line is not 5 syllables, i.e. it's 6...maybe try 'man, a hundred bucks...' or drop the 'a' from the first line...
am I being pedantic?...lol...
19th Dec 2016 6:06pm
you are not getting too deep at all - this is exactly where I was going, especially given the current football coaches scandal here now.
don't know how I fucked up on the silly bulls in the first line, I will change that :-)
don't know how I fucked up on the silly bulls in the first line, I will change that :-)
