Can't wait

I've done things I'm not proud of
I've lost people that I would love to
Have again I've been to places I'd
Dream of going back and
I've been places I don't want to be agian
My depression has come and gone and has come again I've been wanting to feel the very bliss of the beautiful cold metal
Across my skin again but I won't allow my self to go down that road again there is times when I can't get put of bed there are times when I break down but I refuse to sink again I refuse to put everyone threw my dark days so I once again act like everything is fine but I'm the only one who knows the truth I can't wait for the time that I once again want the bliss of that beautiful metal across my wrist or thighs there are times where I want nothing more than to leave it all behind but I'm told that if I commit suicide I won't go to heaven and I need to be with my beautiful baby boy what people don't get is the metal is a addiction and depression is a disorder it doesn't just go away it haunts you i cant wait😘