5: 83:  We Shall Burn Together

Excerpt 83 from Journal 5, 'Reaching My True Love'
  -from 'Journals To My True Love, Part 2

My Love, I blame you for all my pain...
You whom were timid and shy when I had to be a lion...
You whom were nonexistent when I had to so boldly exist...
You who spoke to me pragmatically when I so lacked
  pragmatism, when circumstances couldn't even afford it...
You whom were a gentle downy baby bird when I had to
  be a vulture...
I blame you for the self-loathing this contrast presented...
You are pure and I am evil; how dare you be...
Why can't you just be evil like me so you can feel what
  I feel and burn like I burn; loathe me as I loathe you...
How my heart is heavied by your lifting of it...
How there are no words enough to describe this hell...
Appear; and you will face all of its blinding truth...
My heart is your funeral pyre where I will end what I
  began and you will rise in beautiful ashes...
Finally, words will arise; my story, my revenge...
Face this cold nuclear winter of my heart...
I will destroy you as you have destroyed me...
I will crush your fragile form with my hands to finally
  put out your cries and finally there will be rest for
  my aching heart...
My pain will at last end as yours does...
I burn my own heart to burn yours, then I'll seal
  the crypt so it will become mine and so will you...
You will forever be deprived at last of my vassalage...
I will be avenged in your undoing and freed in your
  imprisonment...
You will forever be inside me and will fuel my growth...
You are my sustenance and it is a beautiful repurposing...
Your martyrdom will sustain me as the truth emerges;
  that I was a martyr for you...
You stood by and watched me be judged and tested...
How you were satisfied in my imprisonment and glorified...
You watched me be destroyed, but I rose in resurrection...
Now it is your turn; arise and face what you have
  been sustained by; the ugly truth...
What I have done in your absence to get by...
How I have been humbled by and sunk to the lowest means...
How I am a receptacle of rejection and disappointments...
How I am filthy and degraded as you are so pure and virile...
How even God can not cleanse me of bitterness...
If you are of ether, my flame will devour it and it will
  leave no trace; I will own the story...
I will light the match and throw it and you will be set
  afire; how sweet the smell of accelerant burning...
How intoxicated I will become by it and how liberated...
We shall burn together, you and I...
My True Love, we die to be reborn...
The story of your death in me will be my resurrection...
I'll bury your remnants alongside my other fantasies and
  false hopes; from this funeral the story alone will arise...
I'll get to tell it and I will be vindicated from its grip...
How beautiful...