5: 78:  Boundless Love

Excerpt 78 from Journal 5, 'Reaching My True Love'
  -From 'Journals To My True Love, Part 2'

My Love, the wounded heart remains scarred
  and hardened, yet desperately wants to love
  again with the flexibility it once had, but it
  struggles...
Each step is so painful to it in reaching forward
  to the love it seeks...
It forever reaches then retracts in fear and
  resignation...
It wants to love freely without boundaries as a
  wild animal runs...
But the steps are slowed in trepidation so it
  hides and avoids love, compounding the problem...
I don't want to cry, so I don't love...
I want to be an automaton because it is easier than
  being a human with a heart, and I have tried to be...
It looks good in theory but never fully works...
I am weakened in moments of reality when I
  become fully awake...
I feel the hunger of my heart for true love...
I want to hold it gently in my hand and have it
  stay and not fly away...
But love is like a bird, it loves to fly, so I can only
  try to coax it to remain...
It flies away but returns and this interchange becomes
  like a dance...
I must accept that it's ok to love and not have it
  returned instantly...
I must trust the wild nature of it...
I must learn even to throw the bird into the wind
  and pray for its return...
I must trust that the empty feeling is ok and not a
  flaw to be judged and corrected...
Like a small child who has much to learn, the heart
  must be guided in the same firm yet gentle manner...
The wounded heart is childlike in its self-centeredness
  and requires the utmost understanding...
Yet it cannot hide inside itself forever...
Love experience cuts both ways even in perfect conditions...
I must feel to be fully alive; my empty hands tell me the
  bird is aflight and will return and I must have the
  courage to believe this and the courage to love
  without boundaries...