The Ancient Egyptian Pussy Pounder

 
After countless years  
spent mastering the advanced  
masturbation techniques  
described only  
in the sacred Egyptian book  
of forbidden sexual practices
and after months of preparation  
and deprivation  
under harrowing desert conditions  
with only a steaming pile  
of camel dung to confide in  
my mission of a lifetime  
is now complete  
 
I always knew
unlocking the secrets  
of the great gilded phallus  
that once swung above the heads  
of horny pharoah brides in the connubial bed chamber
and finally revealing the ancient forgotten knowledge  
closely guarded and passed down  
only through the royal line
before it was lost at the dawn of history  
would necessitate a ball breaking quest
 
But I vowed whatever befell me
whatever the sacrifices
I would never curtail my search
until I had plucked the artifact  
from the deepest tomb in the desert
and fondled it  
with my own bare hands
 
At last the day came
the culmination of years of planning
and clandestine research to evade
the prying eyes of the authorities
Slaving under the merciless sun  
I feverishly brushed away  
the final grains of sand
from the huge shining member  
that had once pleasured the ancestors
of Cleopatra  
and peered intently at the time worn glyphs  
only to register shock and disbelief
as my blistered fingers exposed  
the truth  
 
Gasping for breath
I sank to my knees
but there could be no mistake  
the inscription  
still perfectly preserved
was etched so clearly
that anyone could see:-  
 
Anne Summers  
Quality Sex Toy
Deluxe Model  
Made in  
Taiwan