A girl...

...you should read this out loud. It doesn't quite work as is...needs something to make it pop...maybe like;

The girl, concerned for her own chastity
questioned the boy and his veracity
her fears slipped away
as he begged her to stay
then he filled all her holes to cum-pacity.

Read it then read yours out loud...this one is smoother (not better or worse, just smoother), so nicer to read.

thanks for the comment. I was trying to stick to a limerick form. I also try not to use anything but real words. It's just how I look at it but thanks for the comment.

it's a limerick, no doubt about that. it sticks to the 8,8,5,5,8 syllable count.
the punch line is subtle like if you were to hear it said on the t.v, it would be before 9.00pm.

worth the read rick.

thanks. I will come out with others that are a bit more risque.

A fun little read indeed. I don't think you should change a thing.