deepundergroundpoetry.com
Beautiful. . .
Mysterious and sharp
Like the sun in the morning
She emerged from the dark
Beautiful and adoring
A smile so powerful
Even if slight
Give me feelings
That hold me ever so tight
Her skin glowing
and her lips flowing
Seeking comfort
Only her cheeks are knowing
Freckled skin that brags
Of her uniqueness
If only she knew
That is my weakness
Her eyes speak a different story
They penetrate my very being
And lay it all before me
Big, bold, beautiful and not only for seeing
They show me the way
With my soul only agreeing
Like the sun in the morning
She emerged from the dark
Beautiful and adoring
A smile so powerful
Even if slight
Give me feelings
That hold me ever so tight
Her skin glowing
and her lips flowing
Seeking comfort
Only her cheeks are knowing
Freckled skin that brags
Of her uniqueness
If only she knew
That is my weakness
Her eyes speak a different story
They penetrate my very being
And lay it all before me
Big, bold, beautiful and not only for seeing
They show me the way
With my soul only agreeing
Published 8th Nov 2016
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The author encourages honest critique.
8th Nov 2016 8:26pm
I enjoyed the read letsBLAZE420...and I love the photo... :-)
If i may suggest some minor changes and please remember they are only suggestions after all this is your work...
2nd stanza...an 's' on give..to read 'gives'
4th stanza...last line could possibly read 'they are my weakness' in describing freckles as opposed to freckled skin
5th stanza...3rd line could read as 'laying it all before me', i.e. loosing the 'and'...if not you could loose the 'and' in the 4th line
A teacher once told me always to cull the unnecessary 'and' & 'the' in a poem
Welcome to DU, I hope you enjoy your stay :-)
If i may suggest some minor changes and please remember they are only suggestions after all this is your work...
2nd stanza...an 's' on give..to read 'gives'
4th stanza...last line could possibly read 'they are my weakness' in describing freckles as opposed to freckled skin
5th stanza...3rd line could read as 'laying it all before me', i.e. loosing the 'and'...if not you could loose the 'and' in the 4th line
A teacher once told me always to cull the unnecessary 'and' & 'the' in a poem
Welcome to DU, I hope you enjoy your stay :-)
9th Nov 2016 5:40am
Thank you so much. I appreciate it as I am a terrible with grammar. I really just enjoy the creativity part.
9th Nov 2016 5:41am
