deepundergroundpoetry.com
ΑΔΙΕΞΟΔΟ
An awry molding created me
It had to be carefully chiseled
In wonder of which olympian grudge
my vessel is made of....
Compulsive arson.
Never destined to fade away
Designated as the conductor
of the inauspicious
Silent
and fearful
in front of the gods
They'd like me to forge on rocks my misery
and keep them
as a reminder not to trespass
Where do I belong?
To whom am I against?
Most of them wear a mask of the same shameful face
As my fear comes closer, I strut
Hide, you doubt
My labels wants me imprisoned
Getaway holes are covered and hidden
My rebels slowly
amiably
erase the chasm
from here
to the unknown
It had to be carefully chiseled
In wonder of which olympian grudge
my vessel is made of....
Compulsive arson.
Never destined to fade away
Designated as the conductor
of the inauspicious
Silent
and fearful
in front of the gods
They'd like me to forge on rocks my misery
and keep them
as a reminder not to trespass
Where do I belong?
To whom am I against?
Most of them wear a mask of the same shameful face
As my fear comes closer, I strut
Hide, you doubt
My labels wants me imprisoned
Getaway holes are covered and hidden
My rebels slowly
amiably
erase the chasm
from here
to the unknown
Published 8th Nov 2016
| Edited 10th Nov 2016
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
9th Nov 2016 12:48pm
Hey hey my friendy
Hope you're well?
My comment below is based on your asking for honest crique, it is carefully placed here to inspire and assist & is no way a bash at your poem. I wouldn't comment if I didn't like it.
I feel that the repetitive use of I, me & my makes the poem almost indulgent. It feels almost like an argument with self... For this reason I recomend, edits like...
[In ]wonder of the olympian grudge
[a ]vessel made of (removed .. It's not continued)
compulsive arson (used lower "c" it's not a new sentence)
[never] destined to fade away
[being their] conductor
of the inauspicious
silent
and fearful
in front of the gods
( do you see how many words can take the indulgence away, yet keep the personalised naration.)
Your inner search is evident, in this piece and that makes it beautiful
thank you for the read
Blue Skies at ja
Al-x-
Hope you're well?
My comment below is based on your asking for honest crique, it is carefully placed here to inspire and assist & is no way a bash at your poem. I wouldn't comment if I didn't like it.
I feel that the repetitive use of I, me & my makes the poem almost indulgent. It feels almost like an argument with self... For this reason I recomend, edits like...
[In ]wonder of the olympian grudge
[a ]vessel made of (removed .. It's not continued)
compulsive arson (used lower "c" it's not a new sentence)
[never] destined to fade away
[being their] conductor
of the inauspicious
silent
and fearful
in front of the gods
( do you see how many words can take the indulgence away, yet keep the personalised naration.)
Your inner search is evident, in this piece and that makes it beautiful
thank you for the read
Blue Skies at ja
Al-x-
10th Nov 2016 3:49pm
thanks for the advice, I appreciate it so much!! will edit.
it was my first attempt to translate/ rendition greek poems of mine.:)
it was my first attempt to translate/ rendition greek poems of mine.:)
10th Nov 2016 5:39pm
10th Nov 2016 9:15pm
dead end,without a getaway but it is also the name of a greek punk(?!)band of the 80's, kinda stuck in my mind...
Do you believe that ...I have the sense that every word, person, song, rhythm, situation, question mark, dream, everything I lived just wait their turn to fit in a poem, and then you go "I knew there was a reason for me to keep this word in mind"
Kinda
I hope I'm understood.lol
Do you believe that ...I have the sense that every word, person, song, rhythm, situation, question mark, dream, everything I lived just wait their turn to fit in a poem, and then you go "I knew there was a reason for me to keep this word in mind"
Kinda
I hope I'm understood.lol
