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dancing love in framed windows
she wrote our tapestry
in stars that stare down
São Paulo streets
singing ballads to
Rufous Bellied Thrush'
composed Samba steps
through paving blocks
her soul passionately
kissed my consciousness
he carved Ceibo flowers
in flaked rainbow wall paintings
etched finger hearts in fogged
panel glass sheets
counted Tango steps
on marbled window sills
drinking calabash tea from
a steel straw
breathing "ame"
in early morning autumn mist
his body warmed my heart
souls entwined, plaited French
"je t'aime" like tails of hair
breathing duets, singing "amore"
physically there
though it's been 8 beats, 6 steps
from windows frames; sit to stare
breakfast laid bare
the emotions shared
each morning; from first rooster
to hearts and diamonds
in bright morning beams
of prismatic light
perched bodies peeled from
the home we've made there
-x-
This poem was entered in this competition..
deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/9197/
Dedicated to the sheets that inspire jealousy.
Thank you Jade for an awesome competition.
Thank you Johnny Blaze for the brilliant direction.
-x-
Written by
RevolutionAL
(Alistair Plint)
Published 7th Nov 2016
| Edited 8th Nov 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 1
comments 20
reads 1092
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. dancing love in framed windows
Windows hold such promise of magic, being so thin a veil between two worlds of dreams and reality.
That final couplet is like pulling all wishes and dreams from the space beyond and carrying them with you in your heart until you return.
Beautifully done, Al. To dissect rather than digest this would be unjust. As all wonderful meals for the heart and intellect should be savoured slowly and to the fullest.
That final couplet is like pulling all wishes and dreams from the space beyond and carrying them with you in your heart until you return.
Beautifully done, Al. To dissect rather than digest this would be unjust. As all wonderful meals for the heart and intellect should be savoured slowly and to the fullest.
1
Re: Re. dancing love in framed windows
8th Nov 2016 7:11am
Thank you my friend
I'm so thankful for your reading of this and your absolutely beautiful comment of it.
Yes the truth in distant windows of perched bodies is such a frighteningly beautiful thing.
Much love at you
Blue Skies
Al-x-
I'm so thankful for your reading of this and your absolutely beautiful comment of it.
Yes the truth in distant windows of perched bodies is such a frighteningly beautiful thing.
Much love at you
Blue Skies
Al-x-
Re. dancing love in framed windows
7th Nov 2016 1:01pm
Re: Re. dancing love in framed windows
8th Nov 2016 7:20am
I'm so grateful to see you in my pages Dora
Thank you for your kind comment, hun
Blue Skies @ you
"fuckshovel"
Thank you for your kind comment, hun
Blue Skies @ you
"fuckshovel"
Re. dancing love in framed windows
7th Nov 2016 3:41pm
"breakfast laid bare
to the emotions we share
each morning; from first rooster
to hearts & diamonds
in bright morning beams
of prismatic light"
I'm lost in this bit of beauty. The entire write is amazing! That bit right there...stole a piece of my soul. :)
Willow
to the emotions we share
each morning; from first rooster
to hearts & diamonds
in bright morning beams
of prismatic light"
I'm lost in this bit of beauty. The entire write is amazing! That bit right there...stole a piece of my soul. :)
Willow
1
Re: Re. dancing love in framed windows
8th Nov 2016 7:23am
Thank you for reading me Willow
Thank you for the kind comment
Very grateful to you
It's so special a thing to hear your words resonate with someone
Much love & Blue Skies
Al-x-
Thank you for the kind comment
Very grateful to you
It's so special a thing to hear your words resonate with someone
Much love & Blue Skies
Al-x-
Re. dancing love in framed windows
Anonymous
- Edited 7th Nov 2016 4:51pm
7th Nov 2016 4:50pm
Well you can tick off the "made Missy blush" award on your bucket list... I never fkn blush... how very dare you, sir. 😂
This is decadent imagery. The framed space of the windows sets the poem off beautifully. I feel like it almost confines the two people within the lines. It's a very intimate space you've created. The building of a home there at the end reminds me of the word "nidificate" - to build a nest; a sanctuary. Very appropriate.
"breathing a duet, singing "amore"
as if physically there
though it's been 8 beats, 6 steps
in which from windows frames
we sit and stare" > will stick in my mind most of all.
...I think I've stopped blushing now, heh. Thank you for the read :)
This is decadent imagery. The framed space of the windows sets the poem off beautifully. I feel like it almost confines the two people within the lines. It's a very intimate space you've created. The building of a home there at the end reminds me of the word "nidificate" - to build a nest; a sanctuary. Very appropriate.
"breathing a duet, singing "amore"
as if physically there
though it's been 8 beats, 6 steps
in which from windows frames
we sit and stare" > will stick in my mind most of all.
...I think I've stopped blushing now, heh. Thank you for the read :)
1
Re: Re. dancing love in framed windows
8th Nov 2016 8:10am
Disclaimer:- no poems written in this book were destined to be make up. If how ever they find thier way into powder bottles. Not much I can do really... But will try.. "Hey pink powdery stuff come back here to the page.
"Nidificate" would make an extremely awsome title, you know.mmmm.
I'm extremely pleased tge imagery came through... It was for me the entire point on the piece.
I cleaned up that little bit of verse you quoted, does it still hold dear to you?
Thank you for reading me and caring and commenting and blushing.
Bluest Skies & love
Al-x-
"Nidificate" would make an extremely awsome title, you know.mmmm.
I'm extremely pleased tge imagery came through... It was for me the entire point on the piece.
I cleaned up that little bit of verse you quoted, does it still hold dear to you?
Thank you for reading me and caring and commenting and blushing.
Bluest Skies & love
Al-x-
Re. dancing love in framed windows
7th Nov 2016 9:23pm
"in stars that stare
down in the streets"
Suggest changing to
"in stars staring
down upon the streets"
using "in" only once
"she sang ballads to the
Rufous Bellied Thrush"
Suggest changing to
"and sang ballads to
Rufous Bellied Thrush"
using "she" only once.
See what I'm getting at? Removing redundancy and excess words that aren't necessary.
composed Samba steps
in [the] paving blocks
her soul passionately
kissed my consciousness
he carved our Ceibo flowers
in flaked rainbow, wall paintings
etched finger hearts in [the mist] (use "fogged" instead because "mist" appears again further down )
[of] panel glass sheets
counted Tango steps
on marbled window sills
drinking calabash tea from
a steel straw breathing
"ame" in early morning
autumn mist
his body warmed my heart
souls entwined, plaited in French
"je t'aime" like tails of hair
breathing a duet, singing "amore"
as if physically there
though it's been 8 beats, 6 steps
in which from windows frames
we sit and stare
breakfast laid bare
to the emotions we share
each morning; from first rooster
to hearts & diamonds <---- you might as well type out "and" ; ampersands just look lazy in my opinion
in bright morning beams
of prismatic light
"we peel perched bodies from
the home we've made there"
Suggest changing to
"perched bodies peeled from
the home we've made there"
or
"peeling perched bodies from
the home we've made there"
using "we" only once
down in the streets"
Suggest changing to
"in stars staring
down upon the streets"
using "in" only once
"she sang ballads to the
Rufous Bellied Thrush"
Suggest changing to
"and sang ballads to
Rufous Bellied Thrush"
using "she" only once.
See what I'm getting at? Removing redundancy and excess words that aren't necessary.
composed Samba steps
in [the] paving blocks
her soul passionately
kissed my consciousness
he carved our Ceibo flowers
in flaked rainbow, wall paintings
etched finger hearts in [the mist] (use "fogged" instead because "mist" appears again further down )
[of] panel glass sheets
counted Tango steps
on marbled window sills
drinking calabash tea from
a steel straw breathing
"ame" in early morning
autumn mist
his body warmed my heart
souls entwined, plaited in French
"je t'aime" like tails of hair
breathing a duet, singing "amore"
as if physically there
though it's been 8 beats, 6 steps
in which from windows frames
we sit and stare
breakfast laid bare
to the emotions we share
each morning; from first rooster
to hearts & diamonds <---- you might as well type out "and" ; ampersands just look lazy in my opinion
in bright morning beams
of prismatic light
"we peel perched bodies from
the home we've made there"
Suggest changing to
"perched bodies peeled from
the home we've made there"
or
"peeling perched bodies from
the home we've made there"
using "we" only once
1
Re: Re. dancing love in framed windows
Mr. BLAZE, sir
Thank you ever so much for the use of your poetry eyes...
I have gotten lazy of late,
I appreciate so very much!
I lost a couple of other redundencies while reading through it, after edits...
It should read cleaner now.
Enormous gratitude thrown your way.
Al ;)
Thank you ever so much for the use of your poetry eyes...
I have gotten lazy of late,
I appreciate so very much!
I lost a couple of other redundencies while reading through it, after edits...
It should read cleaner now.
Enormous gratitude thrown your way.
Al ;)
Re: Re. dancing love in framed windows
8th Nov 2016 2:26pm
Re: Re. dancing love in framed windows
9th Nov 2016 3:41pm
Re: Re. dancing love in framed windows
"Twerent", isn't possibly a real word!
So no chance of "nothing"
Respect at the knowledge.
;)
Blue Skies at ja!
So no chance of "nothing"
Respect at the knowledge.
;)
Blue Skies at ja!
Re. dancing love in framed windows
11th Nov 2016 10:06pm
Re: Re. dancing love in framed windows
12th Nov 2016 6:55am
Hey hey Mr big fish
Thank you for your comment
and poetry eyes
Respect
Al
Thank you for your comment
and poetry eyes
Respect
Al
Re. dancing love in framed windows
13th Nov 2016 3:37pm
Congratulations! This poem has been nominated for DUP's Poem of the Month! You may view the nomination here, and will be notified if the winner.
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/9225/
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/9225/
1
Re: Re. dancing love in framed windows
14th Nov 2016 4:56am
Re: Re. dancing love in framed windows
15th Nov 2016 3:39pm
Re. dancing love in framed windows
18th Nov 2016 7:07am
My handsome monsieur,
I will return to blow your socks off
like you always do to me lol..
absolutely love your words and you!!
missing you
-Howlings
I will return to blow your socks off
like you always do to me lol..
absolutely love your words and you!!
missing you
-Howlings
1
Re: Re. dancing love in framed windows
22nd May 2018 7:14pm