deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Eyes Of Judgement
Walked down the sandy beach
listened to the wash
the swell
the wind
The midday African sun
was moody
burning everything
in it's sight
turning white to red
Lay across a towel
Allowed the four
The four
who use
words like "friend"
words like "love"
words like "family"
to rub
the factor 50
UV block into skin
while goodness
soaked in
Spent 15 minutes there
listening
Took a moment
taking in
tan results
in a mirror
this morning
Perfectly etched red-burn-letters decorate my back;
running down the spinal cord
T
H
E
J
U
D
G
E
D
Should have spent time
with a tattoo artist
They understand
permanence
-x-
Published 22nd Oct 2016
| Edited 24th Oct 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 0
comments 12
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
22nd Oct 2016 3:04pm
this made me sad AL it's true so often the four are not permanent and fade away like your suntan..
feeling this write deeply this morning..
xo Brenda
feeling this write deeply this morning..
xo Brenda
24th Oct 2016 4:23pm
Oh wow!
Crim I hadn't thought of it that way and you are so right, it just fades away back to normal. Thank you for that.
Thank you for the time spent here and the awsome comment
Blue Skies @ You
Al-x-
Crim I hadn't thought of it that way and you are so right, it just fades away back to normal. Thank you for that.
Thank you for the time spent here and the awsome comment
Blue Skies @ You
Al-x-
22nd Oct 2016 3:09pm
The title made me smile... the poem made me sad...
This is such a deeply moving piece, the judged... how I can feel those words!
Great write, Al
This is such a deeply moving piece, the judged... how I can feel those words!
Great write, Al
24th Oct 2016 4:21pm
Thank you for spending time on my writing and commenting here. I am grateful Duende
Blue Skies @ You
Al-x-
Blue Skies @ You
Al-x-
22nd Oct 2016 11:14pm
Al, this existential "Kick Me" will fade, re blended with your genuine self and the judges will be silenced by not taking their condemnations personally. The trick is to not judge ourselves too harshly. You make me think dear sir, thank you. Bravo.
24th Oct 2016 4:19pm
I saw a meme once that said...
"I am my harshest critic, so take your judgement and shove it"
You know we live in a world where we caim to be educated, yet fail to teach ourselves to accept all people as they are. It's like prejudice is a trait we claim & hold on to... So so sad.
Thank you for the wonderful comment and the time you spent here Mr Worship
Blue Skies @ You
Al
"I am my harshest critic, so take your judgement and shove it"
You know we live in a world where we caim to be educated, yet fail to teach ourselves to accept all people as they are. It's like prejudice is a trait we claim & hold on to... So so sad.
Thank you for the wonderful comment and the time you spent here Mr Worship
Blue Skies @ You
Al
24th Oct 2016 6:13pm
What an awesome meme. I find one of my main hindrances in life is not accepting my true self. Lately I have been coming to terms with certain of my behaviors and finally accepting them as part of my fabric. I've spent a lifetime saying "that's not me...my indoctrination says that can't be me." Well damn it it is me!
Anonymous
- Edited 23rd Oct 2016 11:46am
23rd Oct 2016 11:44am
...people are just b*stards aren't they? Pfft.
In the first line, I'm inclined to wonder if it might be worth removing the word 'to' so it reads "walked down the sandy beach" - I just think that this fits in with the tone of voice that you carry throughout the rest of the poem.
The uses of color you have used "white to red" is obviously referring to the sun, but metaphorically this could refer to your mood - platonic to annoyed or angered. Not sure if this was intentional or not, but it was rather clever.
I love the layout of the words "THE JUDGED" - really drives home the message of the poem. I'm only sorry that we live in a world where people are judged so harshly.
"Open your mind before you open your mouth".
The last word 'permanent" I'm wondering if this should change to "permanency" - it just seems to fit better when I read it out loud.
This is a good solid piece. It's stripped back and uncluttered, and I really think this style of poem suits your voice.
Thank you for the read.
In the first line, I'm inclined to wonder if it might be worth removing the word 'to' so it reads "walked down the sandy beach" - I just think that this fits in with the tone of voice that you carry throughout the rest of the poem.
The uses of color you have used "white to red" is obviously referring to the sun, but metaphorically this could refer to your mood - platonic to annoyed or angered. Not sure if this was intentional or not, but it was rather clever.
I love the layout of the words "THE JUDGED" - really drives home the message of the poem. I'm only sorry that we live in a world where people are judged so harshly.
"Open your mind before you open your mouth".
The last word 'permanent" I'm wondering if this should change to "permanency" - it just seems to fit better when I read it out loud.
This is a good solid piece. It's stripped back and uncluttered, and I really think this style of poem suits your voice.
Thank you for the read.
Thank you once again for the solid advice and exceptional crit on this...
I made other changes while seeing your pov.
I'm so unsure of how "permanency" rides this page... Was wondering about permanently or even permanence... What do you think?
There was definately metaphoric value in the colours here, but it was race related... Your opinion is better and more relevant.
Thank you Missy for the time you spent on this and the wonderful advice and comments.
Blue Skies @ You
Al-x-
I made other changes while seeing your pov.
I'm so unsure of how "permanency" rides this page... Was wondering about permanently or even permanence... What do you think?
There was definately metaphoric value in the colours here, but it was race related... Your opinion is better and more relevant.
Thank you Missy for the time you spent on this and the wonderful advice and comments.
Blue Skies @ You
Al-x-
Anonymous
24th Oct 2016 5:28pm
Permanence.... yes that's probably better now you mention it. I knew I was looking for the right word, there it is :)
25th Oct 2016 5:09am
You saw that? Yaaay!
Exactly that...
"I got your back, I got your back"
Thanks for the visit, oh wise one!
Blue Skies @ U... Mr Whale
Al
Exactly that...
"I got your back, I got your back"
Thanks for the visit, oh wise one!
Blue Skies @ U... Mr Whale
Al
