Medicated by sex

I tried to numb that pain with sex.
Just thinking about sex that was not with me, slashed my wrists and made me bleed.
The fact that the entirety of your lovers was greater than mine was madness in my mind
It drove me to hate, drove me to participate, drove me to compete,
Drove me to be greater than you, to sex away the memories of you.

Knowing that I loved 1 and you loved 10 put fire in my veins  
Which burned my skin, numb is all I felt all that was there to feel
This hardened my heart, which stole the love from my eyes and set my sights on surpassing you  
You evil, promiscuous flesh giving wretch, bringer of demon lustful missions
I can only blame myself, but I have too much pride for that so I had to blame you!

Sex, the tonic of choice that I choose to collect
Adding, and building, tallying the sums
The best and the worse it mattered so little
More and more deeds till I finally lost count
The names, the dates, locations and faces
What satisfaction to sex you away,

To have more than you, to have outdone you, to have repaid you with interest  
Medicating with sex…
Pop one; pop two, constantly needing my prescription filled, medicated and almost dependent,
Needing the sense of gratification, out and about notches steady growing,
I must end this the time has come…
I still carry it in me, from that day till this, regrets of my devious purpose lingers my bones
Now I’m the abuser of hearts and souls, looking for doctors and damage control
Admitted to rehab, you can only abuse “medication” for so long…