deepundergroundpoetry.com
comedown
i
widen
my
open
eyes
once
more
and now i am here
in this place
the luscious grass of every green encapsulates me and occupies every instant of my thought and vision
and only the breeze resounds
i manage to break away from the entrancement of verdant hypnosis and observe my surroundings
a field
contrasted only by deep cerulean sky
yet two narrow, monolithic walls of incredibly vibrant color on either side of me
stand facing each other, not more than 50 meters apart
and i stare
and now as i stare
ev'rything begins to feel
faster yet slower
then the sky turns to white
the grass back to beige
and i realize the walls
were drawn on a page
no longer the field as far as eyes can see
i feel the wonder slowly drain from me
the carpet feels so rough against my skin
for now, my sanctuary stays within
Published 3rd Oct 2016
| Edited 5th Oct 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 1
comments 8
reads 970
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The author encourages honest critique.
4th Oct 2016 2:27am
I def dig this! "then the sky turns to white, the grass back to beige, and i realize the walls, were drawn on a page " is a fantastic statement.. My only critiques would be the font is too small (i had to zoom in on the page to read it) and personally i do not know if i am a fan of the formatting.. I usually feel like this type of spacing pulls the focus off the content of the poem and is distracting.. I think you did it pretty tastefully compared to others i have seen, but I am not convinced it is necessary. just my $.02 Thanks for sharing
<3
<3
7th Oct 2016 3:15pm
13th Oct 2016 2:23am
6th Feb 2017 7:19am
You explained something for me in such
deeply felt way.. . and I am totally
speechless, especially by this as much..
because I know of it,in a similar manner:
"no longer the field as far as eyes can see
i feel the wonder slowly drain from me
the carpet feels so rough against my skin
for now, my sanctuary stays within "
Amazing!!
-Howlings
deeply felt way.. . and I am totally
speechless, especially by this as much..
because I know of it,in a similar manner:
"no longer the field as far as eyes can see
i feel the wonder slowly drain from me
the carpet feels so rough against my skin
for now, my sanctuary stays within "
Amazing!!
-Howlings
3rd Mar 2017 2:21pm
I really really loved every second of reading this. I love how it's laid out.
'then the sky turns to white
the grass back to beige
and i realize the walls
were drawn on a page ' stunning. Absolutely perfect. I love the rhyme of 'beige' and 'page', very clever and unexpected. Thanks for sharing.
'then the sky turns to white
the grass back to beige
and i realize the walls
were drawn on a page ' stunning. Absolutely perfect. I love the rhyme of 'beige' and 'page', very clever and unexpected. Thanks for sharing.
26th Mar 2017 4:08am
25th Oct 2017 00:33am
Stunning visuals to illustrate a high.... to be contrasted to the harsh reality of coming down. Well done!!
Anonymous
- Edited 9th Apr 2022 5:45am
20th Jun 2019 11:25pm
<< post removed >>
