deepundergroundpoetry.com
Manic Depression
From dusk until dawn I have to deal with the racing thoughts. And the thing is that I do not even know when they are racing, I just know that that it's like words scrolling across a screen and I'm not being given enough time to read them. Sometimes I don't even know what the people around me are saying, I just know that I'm staring at something else that someone else cannot see. Hearing whispers talking to me that no one else can here. What is wrong with me? Have I gone mad? But of course, that is the only true realization to this empedimic. I have gone mad and now I must deal with the inner demons that most people are not cursed to face. This demon that has caught me in it's web and gave me something similar to a Pandora's box is called Manic Depression. It is a dark hole that has crawled under my skin and made a nest in the chambers of my heart. Holding everyone I love hostage to my shifting moods. Corrupting my judgement of things that use to come so easily for me--
STOP.
And then comes the sadness the wondering
if there is any hope or help for me.
If I am really hopeless and
there be no need to even try anymore.
That if I died no one would miss me,
and no one would cry.
Oh such a poor mad girl that
I have become thinking of the lies
that I doth not tell.
Thinking of the tears that I am afraid to cry.
Or the blood that I have doth bled.
Such a sad, dark cloud that
hangs over my head.
Yes I know, I am quite insane
and people do dislike me.
Maybe I should end it all.
The pistol?
The poison?
The noose?
Or the knife?
Cut my veins and end my life--
-Mood Stablized-
Such a nice little device,
an instrument that sounds like a machine.
Maybe it is, my emotions go into it
and only certain ones are allowed out.
Happiness is one of them,
think happy thoughts they tell me.
Don't focus on the past,
look towards the future.
But what if the future depends on
what I did or didn't do in the past?
Oh no, do not question the happiness.
Do not question this mood stablizer,
it helps you.
Now smile and don't worry,
everything is okay now.
You're all better.
You're happy.
And no one can hurt you.
-"The patient may experience boughts of mania followed by phases of depression or visa-versa. The patient may hear voices of things that are not there, or see things that are not there. She may be increasingly happy one minute and then be sad the next. Manic Depression is the same as bipolar disorder, mood swings, auditory hallucinations, racing thoughts, unexplained anger. These are all signs of a manically depressed person."-
Happy
Sad
Anger-- Bad
The voices aren't real.
The people not there.
Death
Life
So little meaning anymore.
Courage and fear.
Darkness and light.
Mania
depression
Not here, not now.
Maybe tomorrow.
If my mood stablizers
I run out.
STOP.
And then comes the sadness the wondering
if there is any hope or help for me.
If I am really hopeless and
there be no need to even try anymore.
That if I died no one would miss me,
and no one would cry.
Oh such a poor mad girl that
I have become thinking of the lies
that I doth not tell.
Thinking of the tears that I am afraid to cry.
Or the blood that I have doth bled.
Such a sad, dark cloud that
hangs over my head.
Yes I know, I am quite insane
and people do dislike me.
Maybe I should end it all.
The pistol?
The poison?
The noose?
Or the knife?
Cut my veins and end my life--
-Mood Stablized-
Such a nice little device,
an instrument that sounds like a machine.
Maybe it is, my emotions go into it
and only certain ones are allowed out.
Happiness is one of them,
think happy thoughts they tell me.
Don't focus on the past,
look towards the future.
But what if the future depends on
what I did or didn't do in the past?
Oh no, do not question the happiness.
Do not question this mood stablizer,
it helps you.
Now smile and don't worry,
everything is okay now.
You're all better.
You're happy.
And no one can hurt you.
-"The patient may experience boughts of mania followed by phases of depression or visa-versa. The patient may hear voices of things that are not there, or see things that are not there. She may be increasingly happy one minute and then be sad the next. Manic Depression is the same as bipolar disorder, mood swings, auditory hallucinations, racing thoughts, unexplained anger. These are all signs of a manically depressed person."-
Happy
Sad
Anger-- Bad
The voices aren't real.
The people not there.
Death
Life
So little meaning anymore.
Courage and fear.
Darkness and light.
Mania
depression
Not here, not now.
Maybe tomorrow.
If my mood stablizers
I run out.
Published 28th Jul 2011
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likes 3
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comments 4
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28th Jul 2011 4:43am
5th Sep 2011 4:37pm
I can utterly crack in reading this, almost as if you have captivated my attention, which is always hard to do, and sent my mind back to my situation. Thank you for this fantastic and spine tingling piece of artwork.
5th Sep 2011 5:23pm
You have described this demon so vividly..this is a soul touching..gripping stunningly written poem..peace Crim
6th Sep 2011 1:34am
