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deepundergroundpoetry.com
Crossing Bridges
She has never liked crossing bridges,
At least not since early childhood:
Then the wrought iron railing was higher
Than her eyes and nothing came
Between her and the water below.
There were so many gaps below her feet,
And the wood was slippery, slicked with rain.
Looking down she would see the long fall,
emptying below her into the boil of water,
Into the depths of the surging river.
But, now she can reach for that belt.
There is still no rail to hold on to at all;
So her fingers search and lips follow,
Gripping your shaft and serving
until you surge and empty into her.
At least not since early childhood:
Then the wrought iron railing was higher
Than her eyes and nothing came
Between her and the water below.
There were so many gaps below her feet,
And the wood was slippery, slicked with rain.
Looking down she would see the long fall,
emptying below her into the boil of water,
Into the depths of the surging river.
But, now she can reach for that belt.
There is still no rail to hold on to at all;
So her fingers search and lips follow,
Gripping your shaft and serving
until you surge and empty into her.
Published 6th Sep 2016
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Anonymous
8th Sep 2016 00:26am
I think that this is quite successful. I agree with something that I think you said somewhere, that writing rhymed and metered poetry is easier and offers a sense of security. I guess for myself, I know that I can make a formal poem musical and appealing even if the content is a little weak, whereas venturing into free verse seems a bit precarious.
I also think that writing erotic poetry is difficult, because the sexual acts involved tend to be monotonously familiar and you have to come up with a really original metaphor to make the poem stand out. I think you did that with this poem.
I also think that writing erotic poetry is difficult, because the sexual acts involved tend to be monotonously familiar and you have to come up with a really original metaphor to make the poem stand out. I think you did that with this poem.
8th Sep 2016 7:16am
Thank you - I agree with your perspective here - and, yes, this attempt is okay but needs working and reworking.
