deepundergroundpoetry.com

STUPID GIRL!

You never truly loved me did you? I was just a convenient fuck. Too stupid to leave and too blinded by love to realize that I was merely a play thing for a sick fuck like you. Just a pawn on your board. So fucking stupid that I even got knocked up and took the beratement for longer than I ever imagined being weak enough to endure. Isolated myself from everyone and everything I knew for you, for our unborn child...for love. Only to be left alone trapped in a box with nowhere to run and nowhere to hide...and nowhere I know. I was stupid enough to run myself blindly full force into that damn corner and wake up in chains. I should have seen the signs but I was fucked up to believe that "you loved me". Fucking Pathetic. I see now that I deserved it all for being so na�ve. I deserve it all for believing honey coated lies. I deserve to suffer the pain of the fuckin stupid! Because when you proposed to me I thought, truly believed that we had a future. But no. All we have are the ashes of days filled with lust, and the amazing IDEA of someone to love and to love me in return. But that was never the case was it? You used me just like everyone said. And I dug myself into a hole I'll never escape because of this disgusting yearning for affection. No pretty word play can even scratch the surface of the self disgust I've managed to accumulate for myself over the months. I've been chasing the dream for way too long now. Always trying to escape the nightmares. But never once have I seemed to have succeeded...not even when I met you. Oh how I crave the end of all things begun in my life. How I dream of death, of the nothing, of no life. and yet here I am still. A sad pitiful shell of the girl who was so full of life and hopes and dreams once upon a time. The girl who fell for the idea of those hopes and dreams again when you came along to tempt; like the serpent tempted Eve to eat of the forbidden fruit. I hate you and your lies. As they always say the devil always comes as sin wrapped in an angels visage, for was not the devil an angel once as well......And I was just prey weak and needy enough to take the bait and consume it whole. A girl trapped in a woman's body who dared still believe in hope and truth and trust. Pitiful.