Love Hate Relationship

It's been three months now without you
i go days without thinking about you
But some days i find that i'm losing my mind
And i yearn and i miss and i shout you

For decades we roamed clouds together
And didn't mind where how or whether
Hell or heaven sent i still catch your scent
We were bonded by a smoky tether

No i don't miss you at all yes i do
i thought you were love but we're through
Hear you calling my name but if it's all the same
No i want you i need you i hate you

You helped me forget who i was
But you were my downfall because
i just couldn't cope with being this dope
And so now i am taking this pause

i hid your utensils from my wife
In case you return to my life
And i'm full to the hilt of this awful guilt
You've given me nothing but strife

The worst thing though is this grief
And knowing that i can't get relief
There is no desire that replaces your fire
You've damned me is my belief

There's no way that i can employ ya
And if only i could i would destroy ya
No one has to guess why i am such a mess
And you infected me with paranoia

And even though i won't be the same
i'm telling you to fuck off Mary Jane
But still stay close if i should need your dose
No damn it you're not worth the pain