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too soon beloved


mostly, he watches porn & satisfies himself as he awaits the end of his
winter of discontent, which has lasted now thru several springs &
summers. then one night, just like that, he decides he wants a woman,
a real woman; maybe he'll find one with the name of a pornstar, like
Janelle or Nola or Terri. so he puts on a navy blue sportcoat over a khaki
shirt & jeans, splashes on Hai Karate, & goes out to hunt.

he goes to the clubs where the girls are very beautiful, or else they think
they are, & thus disguise their non-glamour with a mock arrogance of
makeup, so that even the plain girls reject him.

these fancy dancehalls aren’t his killing field, he figures, so he heads for
a divebar. he takes the stool next to a woman in long curls, brunette &
liquid. ‘Hi, I’m Rollo’ he says, which isn’t his name, but it came into his
head so he said it, & about falls over when she says her name is Terri.

they fall into easy conversation, & dance as a ballad of the old world
plays on the jukebox. neither of them being good dancers, they simply
sway languidly, enjoying the holding & the being held, which are
essential benefits of dancing.

the evaporating hours of the night find them sitting closely together,
touching in casual ways: his hand on her arm, in a blatant attempt to
be near her breast, which she is aware of but does not dissuade; she
with her hand on his knee, then his thigh, noticing a subtle stirring
beneath the fabric of his jeans.

when the bar closes, they’re not ready to part, & he….. well, he informs
her of his flight plan & she clears him for take-off. their one-night stand,
being a very private affair, can be summarized thusly:

    they found that lust is but a dying flame
    upon a burning bed
    and all the things that can be said of love
    are never said


a few hours later he awakes to find himself alone. there was no note; Terri
was gone & there was no trace that she had even been there. suddenly he
felt the old hurt rekindle inside him. he never wanted to love her this much.

( a girl of the briefest kiss, so deeply beloved  –
you leave us to wonder, Terri, what took you away?)

he returns home to build his wall of winter, & he tries not to think about
Terri.  (no, seriously, he really tries.)
mostly, he watches porn…


(Artist unknown)

                                       
JohnFeddeler
Written by JohnFeddeler
Published
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