Staying Away

It hurts to see that she still chooses
Me every time, no matter if I try to
Steer her in another direction
Towards someone who is more
Stable and can provide for her
More than I can. Someone who
Cannot hurt her like I can.
Someone who is more deserving
Of her than I am. She does not seem
To care or even notice any of it.
She is so stubborn. Does she
Not realize that I already have a
Reputation? I am already a
Heartbreaker. I am too bad for her
Maybe even too bad for someone
Who is too good like her. She is
Determined to save and change
Me for the better. I do not need any
Of that. What I want is for her
To steer clear away from me.
But she cannot stay away from me.
She is drawn to me like a magnet.
I know how fragile girls like her
Can be. They say that they are
Strong and that they can
Handle anything when I know that
They can break just like that
Into thousands of tiny pieces.
That is easier to deal with.
It is less complicated
And is not so messy. I do not want
Her to see just how messed
Up that I am. I do not want her
To realize how much time I am
A waste for her to deal with.
She could be out, having fun
For once yet she wants to
Draw out all of my pent up emotions
That I try to hide from her. It does not
Work. She can see right through
The facade, the tough exterior
To see the torment and anger
That I have. I want to deal with it
Without her around. I do not want
Her to try to make it all better.
She does not deserve someone
So broken, so damaged like me.
That is why I try to push her away.
All of that closeness is too
Much to deal with.