Little Bastard

 The little bastard waved at me
He smiled
He winked
It felt so wrong
The little bastard waved at me
And then he sang a song

The little bastard spoke to me
He cursed
He swore
He pointed and he laughed
The little bastard spoke to me
I fear it may be witchcraft

The little bastard laughed at me
Called me names
Flipped me off
I questioned my mental fitness
The little bastard laughed at me
I asked a friend to witness

The little bastard stood stalk still
He never moved
He never spoke
He just looked ornamental
The little bastard stood stalk still
My friend thought I was mental

The little bastard screamed for help
He struggled
He fought back
Lots of noise and clamour
The little bastard screamed for help
As I smashed him with a hammer

The little bastard, made not a sound
Lying in bits
Plastic bagged
He’s definitely dead
The little bastard, made not a sound
As I hid him in the garden shed

The little bastard freaked me out
He smiled
He winked
He’d found his way back home
The little bastard freaked me out
That little bastard garden gnome