deepundergroundpoetry.com
pen tied
she sleeps
with paper and pen,
the only things that hide
wounds, in rows of sorrow
bound to
empty pages,
to fill with soulful
harmonies
fine tuning words
into rhythms
she drifts in and out
of consciousness
jotting down fragments,
the paper
lies open in wait,
for her to share,
the moments that plague
her dreams
with paper and pen,
the only things that hide
wounds, in rows of sorrow
bound to
empty pages,
to fill with soulful
harmonies
fine tuning words
into rhythms
she drifts in and out
of consciousness
jotting down fragments,
the paper
lies open in wait,
for her to share,
the moments that plague
her dreams
Published 18th Jul 2016
| Edited 22nd Jul 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 9
reading list entries 1
comments 11
reads 692
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
18th Jul 2016 8:08pm
I love this and keep a dream journal
beside my bed. They're amazing things
to read back on.
beside my bed. They're amazing things
to read back on.
22nd Jul 2016 6:03pm
Thank You Ahavati for the read and thoughtful comments..sorry took me a while to respond... just tryingto wrap myself around life... Your comments are always welcome...
Lovely write...
Critique:
This is purely my opinion, please do not take it as I'm telling you how to write or picking on your poem. I wouldn't even comment if you weren't a good writer...
"wounds, and rows of sorrow" I'd change 'and' to 'in'... The flow is better and so is the visual in my opinion..
Thanks for sharing,
-ed
Critique:
This is purely my opinion, please do not take it as I'm telling you how to write or picking on your poem. I wouldn't even comment if you weren't a good writer...
"wounds, and rows of sorrow" I'd change 'and' to 'in'... The flow is better and so is the visual in my opinion..
Thanks for sharing,
-ed
22nd Jul 2016 6:05pm
Thank you _ed for the read, thoughtful comments and the critique..I appreciate and agree with what you have suggested..will make the change..
20th Jul 2016 6:43am
notebook w/a blue cover & a blue Bic
in my nightstand
because, you never know.
beautiful work...
in my nightstand
because, you never know.
beautiful work...
22nd Jul 2016 6:06pm
Thank You JohnFeddeler ... I think I have one in every room ... Because you just never know ... ☺
20th Jul 2016 9:13am
i have one in crocodile leather
that goes everywhere with me...
... that tough cover hides
so many soft secrets
*
loved this, jeje
xo
that goes everywhere with me...
... that tough cover hides
so many soft secrets
*
loved this, jeje
xo
22nd Jul 2016 6:08pm
Thank You Katja for the read and lovely comments ... Crocodile leather .. I love that...may have to look into getting one of those! ox
22nd Jul 2016 00:45am
a perfect description of many poets experience - I could really relate to this one - TY :-)
22nd Jul 2016 6:09pm
Thank You David for the read and thoughtful comments ... Much appreciated ..
and for the add....humbled and honored ☺
and for the add....humbled and honored ☺
Anonymous
26th Jul 2016 6:06pm
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