Porn-throbs

I really have to stop looking at porn  
Falling in love with redhead angels 4 times a week  
Probably enslaved in some Russian house of ill-repute  
But so sweet my eyes cry out to them to come through my screen  
Who knows who they are or if they still are at all  
Or maybe they are just as lonely as me, sitting, or laying there at home alone  
Maybe upside down or on all-fours peeking through at me  
Not much to see, just another dirty old man as lonesome as can be  
Imagining they are with me and all is right in my pretend world  
Why do I subject my heart to this endless self-inflicted pain?
Overdosing on endorphins for 3 minutes and thirty-three seconds  
Here and there the moments break the silence my mind hides behind  
Where the shouts in my brain shake the walls of my heart  
And I wonder if anyone heard me spanking myself  
How can so many people be having sex every day of my life?  
But none of them are me and none will be my wife  
Should I be thankful for the endless stream of on-line porn  
Or shudder to wonder if they are someone's unwilling property  
That the knight shining dimly within me imagines he can set free?  
Life is a fantasy and I want to smash the mirror that contains me