Myrtle The Wall-Eyed Witch

 
Myrtle would hurtle upon her broom  
Round and round her living room  
Knocking pictures off the wall  
Her eyesight wasn't good at all  
   
Myrtle was a cross eyed witch  
With casting spells there was a hitch  
Her wand was crooked as her sight  
So her magic rarely did go right  
   
The preacher called her a nasty name  
‘Right’ said she ‘I’ll fix your game ‘  
She drew out her witchy wand  
To blast him into the village pond  
   
Alas she missed and hit a horse  
In the dangly bits (Of course)  
Down the street tore the angry beast  
Into village hall and a wedding feast  
   
People yelled, all taking flight  
As it smashed tables left and right  
Women shrieked, the children quaked  
The bride face down in her wedding cake  
   
Folk dived in panic through the exit doors  
One poor lass got hooked by her drawers  
As she swung from the chandelier  
Exposing to all her ample rear  
   
On raged the horse its rider screaming  
Myrtle groaned hoped she was dreaming  
Waved her wand to put things right  
Only worsening the plight  
   
She missed the horse and hit a cow  
Which caused a quite amazing row  
As it charged through a coffee shop  
Bellowing wild it wouldn't stop  
   
Constable Bobbins left his luncheon  
And pulling out his trusty truncheon  
Tried restoring peace and quiet  
But just got caught up in the riot  
   
Down the high street cow full pelt  
Caught a horn in the copper’s belt  
Bobbins thought that he was dead  
As his fat arse bounced upon her head  
   
The cow and horse charged on a-pace  
Straight into the market place  
Overturning traders' stalls  
One kicked the preacher in the balls  
   
At last poor Bobbins he flew free  
Head first down the public lavatory  
With devastation all around  
The witch was nowhere to be found  
   
They hunted Myrtle day and night  
But on her broom she'd taken flight  
And as far as anyone can tell  
She's on vacation for a spell