deepundergroundpoetry.com
Stillness
small
sack
steeps
green leaves
stewing
steam spirals
from glazed ceramic
steeping
still...
By DB (07/19/2011)
sack
steeps
green leaves
stewing
steam spirals
from glazed ceramic
steeping
still...
By DB (07/19/2011)
Published 19th Jul 2011
| Edited 20th Jul 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 8
reads 681
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
19th Jul 2011 9:07pm
"still steeping..." or "steeping still...". I think I actually like the latter the best.
19th Jul 2011 9:35pm
20th Jul 2011 6:21pm
20th Jul 2011 8:55pm
You shouldn't like it JUST because it mentions tea, but thanks all the same. :)
I appreciate you taking the time to comment and read.
I appreciate you taking the time to comment and read.
Anonymous
23rd Jul 2011 6:39am
Pretty sparse, DB, but still enjoyable. I like the alliteration.
Would you consider "still suffusing'?
Would you consider "still suffusing'?
23rd Jul 2011 2:56pm
Okay. Tough one...
I assume your thinking is "new word, more diversity (content)"? I agree this is sparse, somewhat intentionally, but also somewhat off-handedly so.
My thinking is that I'm using the repetition of "steep" which reinforces the thought of "still", but I hate to just dismiss ideas outright that are thrown my way so I'll give it some thought.
I appreciate your suggestion and thanks for the read and comment as always. :)
I assume your thinking is "new word, more diversity (content)"? I agree this is sparse, somewhat intentionally, but also somewhat off-handedly so.
My thinking is that I'm using the repetition of "steep" which reinforces the thought of "still", but I hate to just dismiss ideas outright that are thrown my way so I'll give it some thought.
I appreciate your suggestion and thanks for the read and comment as always. :)
Anonymous
24th Jul 2011 00:22am
Leaving it as is doesn't distract from the poem.
The sparse nature and layout alludes to a pillar, or tendril of steam, which is lovely.
This is left field, but if you were to paint or photograph a cup of tea and type the worlds curling up from the brew, well I think that would be darling.
:)
The sparse nature and layout alludes to a pillar, or tendril of steam, which is lovely.
This is left field, but if you were to paint or photograph a cup of tea and type the worlds curling up from the brew, well I think that would be darling.
:)
27th Jul 2011 2:34am
