Do you remember me?

I wonder if you remember me.
I'm the girl who cried all the sand
From her eyes and drank herself
Close to death and fucked
People who could never love me.

I'm always tired.

I'm the girl with scars and
Trouble and secrets and ugly bruises
On my heart from all sorts of
Ugly. A past as black as my blood.
A heart that's not nothing except a
Black fucking hole.

Do you remember me?
I am not sure how much of my
Memory is dreams and how much
Is nightmares and how much is just
Empty promises. Or drugs.

I don't remember much of myself.
I'm a puff of cigarette smoke and
Unanswered texts and the one who
Was told "you're difficult to love."

All I know is today I vomited my lungs
Out and cried, only to drink more.

I live alone.

I live in a broken down shack but
I live. Barely.

I miss flowers and sunlight and how
Vodka felt the first time. Or the 50th.
Or how the pills used to make me
Feel, or how you did.

Now you're a shattered piece of glass
Stuck behind bars, and I'm just
Trying to live my life.

But the fires almost out now.
I think about death too much.
I'm sorry.