Why Did I Want It That Way?

I guess its because I always saw beauty
In the fucked up, dark, and ugly
Like self portraits someone made
Tripping on acid
Neon colors molded to create an otherworldly face

Poetry etched in a high
Or scrawled in a rock bottom low
Some of the best writers are current or former junkies, you know?
I saw beauty all around me
But I made it ugly
Wallowing in self pity

The grass was greener on my side
But I guess I liked how the cold alleyways looked
The intoxicating madness that reached for me
With slender velvet hands
Not the gnarly knuckles of wintry trees
I thought would grab me when I was little

I'm a phony
I never did lines of coke
Or shot heroin in my veins
All I did was pop pills and smoke weed
Pretending my darkness was real
My demons were invented in my head
Still fun playmates though imaginary

Darkness and drunken poetry
High sex and low life
I guess it all makes a good story in the end, eh?