First Love, Stupid Love

I messaged you, can't go more than a month
I need your cruelty towards me like air
You hurt me in so many ways
You left a scar the size of a mile
On a simple human sized heart
I used to dream of you all the time
I remember you on top of me
The air around us heavy and thick
But the lust is laced with hatred
Turmoil of pain and pleasure
I miss the innocence that was us
But it's gone, too many lovers to go back
I wish it'd fade this need for your cruelty
How do you forget me so easily?
How have you forgotten my touch?
All the times we were wrapped around
Each other, kisses long, heavy and sweet
It'll never be the same but I ache for what
I gave you so willingly, so eagerly
Did I ever touch your heart at all?
I need to forget you but I haven't  yet