An Island Parish

 Jonathon Jackson moved from the London Gazette to Whale Island off the coast of Nova Scotia looking for the quiet life. He’d been appointed  editor of the local paper. He soon found the island was very 'different.'

The Islanders were farmers and fishermen descended from Calvinist Scots. They had a patois all their own and insisted the paper was printed in it. Jonathon struggled to learn this at first but eventually got the hang. He learned that something ‘ken't’ was something known. ‘Nay ken't’ equalled unknown. If the island's only bus was ‘oo’wer foo’ it had too many passengers. If something was ‘hooked’ it had been stolen. Not that much ever got stolen on the island because the inhabitants all knew each other. They would gladly ‘forward'  (lend) tools and such willingly to help neighbours.

The only thorn in Jonathon’s side was the Minister who scoured the paper every week looking for things that offended god (or himself, who was rather more judgemental than the almighty.) If any bride was pregnant or ‘bairnswait’ on her wedding day he couldn't report that. When the child was born a month or two early he wrote that, by a miracle, God had blessed them ‘wi’ a ‘soonit’ birth.’

Jonathon resented this interference and tried often to disguise coarse words in his writing just to annoy the minister should he miss them. He never did and Jonathon eventually desisted though he never gave up his dream.

One claim to fame the island had was its prize herd of Aberdeen-Angus cattle. They fed on lush sweet meadow grass in the summer and silage and hay from it in winter. These ‘Coos’ drank mineral rich water from mountain streams and were extremely contented. (Oo’wer chuffed) People willingly paid a high premium for this delicious meat. Mainland farmers queued up to buy breeding stock and the island prospered.

One evening some men in an old army landing craft were spotted in the bay. They were sitting around with fishing rods but didn’t seem too interested in fishing. Next morning they were gone so, too, were several ‘rare coos’ and a ‘booluck.’  There was great consternation among the populous. Jonathon saw his chance not only to cock a snook at the parson but to simultaneously express the islanders' shock and surprise. WHALE ISLE BEEF HOOKED! Read his headline