Sanctuary

Gagging the pills down my throat,
searching for relief inside bitter-tasting distractions.
My body longing for the feeling of complete utter unfeeling,
a sedative to my shaking hands and racing thoughts.
I need something to get me through these repetitive days,
something for this constant hair-pulling, skin-ripping stress that controls me.
I'd hand my brain over on a plate for one moment of peace,
one moment of fuzziness to bring me up.
I'm happier up high.
Happier where my thoughts can't catch me,
in the clouded judgment I'm coming to call home.
I kill off my pain and they bring me up,
holding me above in a state of calm that keeps me still for the moment,
a way to keep myself in check until the haze wears off
and I am once again plunged into ice.