Stephanie

                 
Stephanie always had a playfulness about her, a worldliness                
I understood she knew things about life that I didn't                
she was good with the boys, she liked them and they her.                
                 
we were fourteen, it was summertime                  
the days were cloying                
my mother freshly divorced                  
decided we needed to get out of the city.                
                 
we went to Shaver Lake for the weekend                
me, Stephanie, my mom and hers                
two single ladies out to have a good time and their daughters.                
                 
we arrived there            
so beautiful was the lake and the pines                
only rivaled by Stephanie's loveliness                
it was an innocent crush.              
                 
walking with her mom and mine towards the bar                  
we were to hang out at the playground                
them to see what trouble they could get into                
when two good looking men walked by                
my mom and hers started giggling                
saying "did you see that?"                  
"what I could do with them"                
the men doing a double take as they walked by.                
                 
later that night my mom and hers had gone to bed                
Stephanie and I at the swings                
both of us appeared older than we were                
having blossomed early.                
                 
approaching us were the same men                
that we had seen earlier                
we struck up a conversation                
Stephanie with the more wild outgoing man                
me with the reserved quiet type.                
                 
me innocently flirting                  
while Stephanie said we should meet later for a swim                
the outgoing man suggested we go skinny dipping                
blushing wildly I became scared                
though not worldly I knew what that implied                
Stephanie agreed instantly and I said alright.        
         
on the way back to the cabin she planned our escape                
saying we would sneak out when they were asleep                
I was quivering inside I was still a virgin                
these weren't boys we were flirting with                
these were full grown men.                
                 
when the time came Stephanie nudged me to wake up                
I lay there like a rock feigning sleep                
fear of the unknown had crept in                
not wanting her to know I had never been touched by a man                
then seem uncool in her eyes                
I watched through lidded eyes as she silently crept out.                
                 
waking the next morning I felt shame                
at being such a coward                
wishing I had gone with Stephanie.                
                 
later at the lake we met up with these men                
she was greeted with friendly playfulness                
while I was silently rebuffed for not showing up.                
                 
I sometimes look back on it now                
knowing I'm better off not giving my cherry                
to some random guy I met at the lake.                
                 
I don't know what became of Stephanie                
she was as wild as the wind                
thinking on my innocent lust for her with fondness.                 
                 
knowing things are hard now                
but then things were never easy.