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Pizza Blues

It had been a pretty good day  
but in the evening i made a tragic mistake  
i ordered a pizza  
but how was i to know?  
the voice on the phone said 35 minutes  
and i showed up 10 minutes early  
just to be sure  
It had been ready for 10 minutes by then  
lukewarm is not hot  
do another i requested  
well demanded actually  
but calmly people calmly  
keeping my composure is important to me  
these days  
especially in front of our boy  
there was just a tiny little hitch  
the pizza guy taking the order didn't speak a word  
not a single syllable of my language  
i conveyed my wishes instead to the cook  
rather than waiting for the inevitable Que?  
nope i will not be irritated i will not...  
 
So we stroll to the shop next door  
to wait it out  
and i read an article in a free paper  
of how BDSM folks are misrepresented  
Amen i cried out inside myself  
we don't always appreciate abuse  
10 minutes were up and we returned  
to find that the pizza was miraculously ready  
well well lets go home and eat it son  
carry it for me please i have other things  
he's a good boy he held it in his lap  
the short ride back to our home  
and didn't say a word  
good boy  
 
He carried it inside  
as i said i had other things to carry  
now we can enjoy i prematurely exclaimed  
the wife and boy were all smiles  
yes lets indeed  
 
Son of a motherless goat arg  
it's freaking colder than a dead duck  
we got the old one again  
my composure was nowhere in sight  
had totally lost it  
if there's one thing i cannot stand  
it's being messed with when i'm hungry  
 
Wife shook her head and walked away  
into her room to knit  
i know what that means  
no cuddles for me tonight no nothing  
just a cold shoulder  
colder than an Eskimo's schlong  
i'll be right back i said to no one  
 
Racing down the hill chewing on my fury  
i made a vow to not curse and not shout  
steady now  
This is the old one and you're having a laugh  
Que?  
cook please look up from the cheese  
this is not acceptable surely you can see that  
it's the new one Sir really it is  
all i do is make and bake  
Sir!  
now they're adding insult to injury  
what have i done to deserve this?  
i'm a bitch not a Sir and god help you now  
Que?  
i'm not talking to you  
and please don't stare at me like that  
i wave him away but he doesn't understand hand signals  
or any other form of human communication  
i think i'm losing my mind here  
Give me my money back right now mofo's  
and in the unlikely event that you're interested  
let me tell you what you can do with that frigid pizza  
glad i left the boy at home  
 
Now i'm hungry and pissed with no appetite  
munching on my nails and they're ruined now  
they will pay for that too  
composure huh  
sleeping on the couch tonight  
and with my luck  
having a pizza nightmare
Written by Northern1
Published | Edited 17th May 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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