If objects had necks

If objects
not fancy objects
ordinary run of the mill on Monday objects
had necks
the necks needed to keep them alive
Well...
they won't survive
the wifi router
for example
simply decides not to work
CHOKE
the laptop
chooses to do as it pleases
CHOKE
the kettle
refusing to boil the water properly
CHOKE CHOKE CHOKE CHOKE CHOKE CHOKE
the bag
that will not properly close its zip
CHO-
WAAAAIT!
consider this
consider this consideration
please consider this complicated complex consideration concerning objects
would it be legal?
would damage of property upgrade its self to murder?
in others words 4th degree murder?
Eh...
these stupid fucking objects must die
pity
objects do not have necks