Stop feeling sorry for yourself

Nobody can understand the self
Takes ovsr and your stuck in your head
Used to havd spunk in you a light
A LIFE THAT I FELT IMPORTANT
I kept trying  no crying kept going
Even if my path was pointless
Still head held high so proud
Well where did pride find me
In an ambulance in the hospital for months
Had the drive to walk instead
Of feeling sorry for myself
A pitiful shell of the person
I used to be i cant move without stiffness and pain
I try hard to see a gods plan for me
But learning to live half a life now
When the only cause of all this
Was fucking physicians to arrogant
To treat me medically i wasnt asking for drugs as so many do
I asked for help i begged and pleaded
Your medical expertise to good
For woorthless drug afflicted me
You shined me on even as i came looking begging  but my neck pain must be from texting nothing more
I laughed like what you think im miss popular every convo i have takes ten to ficteen seconds nope not listening
Cause your nothing but a junkie
Even if it was six years that life
When clearly i have real pain
But my tears are for the blind doctors
Looking through me to them im just a ghost haunting their emergency room
Trolling even when i said no i dont want you to deliver pain medication
On my sixth and final visit of my own free will
The next time you all would see me
Youd be jumpin on flipping the bill
So i could now have treatment for the
Paralisis that you created dont let that part go unstated
Look at this perfect full size lab rat
We let disease naw at her spine and
Look even this tenth rate peice of shit
lets pat our own backs point at her and stare at a walking miracle
People why do you not care
I can barely do lifes chores without
Exsaustion i have no joy even though
Im still alive im not totally paralyzed
Cause even though i move i look
Like im doing the robot on crack
Shit sounds funny but it aint
Cause im not totally patalyzed
Well doc yeah lets examine that totally paralyzed rightly so
But i believe the meaning of paralyzed is to be without movement
Snd you peices of snide upity shit
Go home smiling while i try not to end
My pitiful life cause ive becomea person dieing even though im still alive
Every fucking sad pitiful person i hate
Except i cant get away from me
Im imprisoned in here this usless body is unuseable to me  
Now this hyper active vitality youve ruined
This shell of flesh a hardened callous
Of a once bright shining life
I guess your right im a miracle of sorts
I mean after all you did atleast attempt
To reverse the paralysis im not totally paralyzed i shouldnt feel angry hurt
And dismayed that had you doctors heard me instead of you own thoughts judging me on  what
Im poor so who cares that i was homeless with nobody to help me
You looked right through me saw
Only a waste of your precious degree
Now look at me as i begin to understand why scuicide bombers
Do what they do because doctors like you created the need for somebody to feel their pain i bet your looking now i feel like somebody invaded me
Stole me from my self i cant stop thinking how useless it all is
Keep shining dont let yourself down
But its hard not to slump over on my pity seat as i can do some basic shit
But this exsistence is far from neat miraculous its misery at its best
A prison of being stuck within this
Useless once strong self capable in every way
To be the one to sit depressed and say maybe... maybe ill get outta bed today.......maybe ill close my eyes and wake up from this fucking nightmare ..maybe this is all part of some plan for me im just not seeing
I want to trust and believe but thisvwhole life half lived is just a sad place to be