deepundergroundpoetry.com
I Hate You...
I Hate You
I hate you...
Its a shame cause I really don't want to
Matter of fact... I take that back,
I wish I never met you.
In my heart, I really want to forget you.
Damn, I hate you,
I can't contain how I feel, so I'm telling you
When I see you, I am reminded how I feel for you .
Lord, I'm sorry, I know it's wrong, but, I swear it is true.
I just hate you...
Its funny, this isn't how I always
felt for you.
Once upon a time, I can't lie, I had a love for you.
A love so real, I would have sworn it was true.
Anything you need, girl, I got you.
And You got me too.
But love turns to hate...
So sad, but true
never the less... Enough of that, I really do hate you.
And its cool cause I know that you hate me too.
Jerbear'10
I hate you...
Its a shame cause I really don't want to
Matter of fact... I take that back,
I wish I never met you.
In my heart, I really want to forget you.
Damn, I hate you,
I can't contain how I feel, so I'm telling you
When I see you, I am reminded how I feel for you .
Lord, I'm sorry, I know it's wrong, but, I swear it is true.
I just hate you...
Its funny, this isn't how I always
felt for you.
Once upon a time, I can't lie, I had a love for you.
A love so real, I would have sworn it was true.
Anything you need, girl, I got you.
And You got me too.
But love turns to hate...
So sad, but true
never the less... Enough of that, I really do hate you.
And its cool cause I know that you hate me too.
Jerbear'10
Published 9th Jul 2011
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
9th Jul 2011 1:49pm
I would try digging a little deeper; I feel like you've told me how you feel, but you haven't really shown me.
The "man," "girl," and "cool" weaken you; try to stay out of the realm of slang unless there's a need for it.
I think somewhere in your feelings, there's the seed of something great, but this barely scratches the surface. I would dive in headfirst and write about how it hurts, how you feel, not just the what. When you immerse your reader totally with all of their senses involved, it is then that you will have something great.
The "man," "girl," and "cool" weaken you; try to stay out of the realm of slang unless there's a need for it.
I think somewhere in your feelings, there's the seed of something great, but this barely scratches the surface. I would dive in headfirst and write about how it hurts, how you feel, not just the what. When you immerse your reader totally with all of their senses involved, it is then that you will have something great.
9th Jul 2011 3:38pm
Thank you, I appreciate your opinion. And I will take it and will apply that concept to my work.
11th Jul 2011 7:13am
