Limbo angst, my anguish

Again, this era-ending place
for the 500th time
regretful over wasted time
and wasted life
for the 1000th time
surely surely Surely THIS time
will be the last time I forget and go back
I know every reason to move on and more than enough painstakingly -repeated soul-eroding reminders
for why
there is no reason to keep the torture anew
A deadly combination is love, attachment and addiction

How to let go not knowing if she is just a sick confused mess
Who cares, but is as tired as I,
Or if she IS the deceitful sickening cruel thing my gut tells me?
Do you trust your gut? or love in anxiety
Why does it matter if
there is no way forward for us

And yet around and around we keep going
So many ways to tell someone
'I hate you'
while saying
'I love you' I'm sorry

My guts are ruined, my instincts broken by lies
It is over
It is over it is over ITS OVER
it has to stop
Please tell me it can just be over and
Please tell me I won't hurt for too long and
Please tell me it won't hurt when she finds someone else
Because I'll be better and I'll be free?
I know this is life, this is human but this is Hard
This is poverty when I need poetry.