Chasing my dreams

It's strange to be close.
Searching for this mystic item.
Fighting killing hiding lying and trying.
Dying and reviving.
I became this phoenix.
Thougt to be this fearless beast.
No one sees how i drop my head and wepons in shame of what i've become.
Not that i didn't enjoy the conflict.
I'm kinda crazy that way.

It's strange, traveling.
Seeing bring and becoming.
I changed, i have done things i can never take back.
Things that make my depression worst, that make the voice scream at me.
I dove head first into the darkness.
Molding myself to thrive.
But always barely surviving.

It's strange, perciving.
Thinking guessing and feeling.
I never knew it'd turn out like this.
Always fighting me.
The want to push forward against the world's will.
I feel like i am fighting the gods themselves.
I want to go on.

But...
It's strange, all i want to do is die.
This was never the plan.
Things change.
What changed!? We are not weak.
But our heart doesn't stop bleeding.
Becuase it's beating. I don't understand.
You never do.
You broke you.
The world helped.