deepundergroundpoetry.com

Depressive musings

 
They say I’m not alone.
Current physical reality suggests otherwise -
I can scream my frustration and no one is here to hear it,
Thank goodness, but…
 
Wanting to reach out, someone tell me I’m ok
Ground me, get out of these dark weird places
 
I should be busy
There are things to do
Time is ticking
But my mind grinds me to a halt
Wondering why I’m so needy
Why must I have reassurance in order to move forward
 
I know I have friends who care
But this is not the sort of thing to interrupt a day with
I’m not in “crisis”
Not dangerous, just paralysed
And to reach out would, in that instant, feel monumentally stupid
Shameful, even
And risk burning out all that kindness
 
So why should I want to bare this mess to anyone?
Have I no pride?
And why not those who live with me daily?
(Well..., when those who count on me realize they can’t, then I’ll know I'm truly broken.)
Why burden friends who surely have other burdens I’m not even aware of?
Maybe I’m secretly manipulative, just craving attention
And maybe saying that makes me more manipulative still
Not trusting my own intentions
And yet it all needs to come out or I’ll choke
 
So I put this mess on a page
So I won’t falter and forget what I wanted to say
So I can be brave and naked
The page has no eyes to reflect confusion
No awkward silence
And if it destroys everything between us, we can still fake friendly
Pretend it got lost in cyberspace or burned in a campfire
 
Written by brokentitanium (k.)
Published | Edited 20th Jun 2019
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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