I Feel Disgusting In Your Eyes

Words
What a painful reminder of your imperfections
To hear disdain and inhumane words
Of taunting disgust
Must you judge those who look nothing like you?
I used to admire your love for all
I trusted you with my ungodly flaws
My body, so beautiful and rich in size you used to call
And yet, you mock one who looks just like me
Now I'm left drowning in an uncomfortable misery
My heart is shattered and the jagged edges are cutting me from the inside
I don't even have to raise the blade to my scarred arm today
For last night you evoked an unimaginable pain
The malice in your voice as you found humor in your words
With no concern for how it'd affect those near to you
The word, "fat" abruptly misused
And its stung
No apologies can seal my wounds of uncomfortableness and mistrust
That replaced the comfort and love I used to feel
This kind of hurt seems so unreal
And yet surreal to see true colors
I'd expect this from any other
But you....
Never in my wildest dreams
Was it you