deepundergroundpoetry.com
Small Confessional
Dreams vs reality
Recall and memory
Mine vs yours
Who truly knows the story
Eons of history
Nobody the scribe
Editorial images
A mind filled library
Toss our decades shared in a blender;
add ice
Serve with a wink and a smile
Toasting love and friendship forever
Recall and memory
Mine vs yours
Who truly knows the story
Eons of history
Nobody the scribe
Editorial images
A mind filled library
Toss our decades shared in a blender;
add ice
Serve with a wink and a smile
Toasting love and friendship forever
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 0
comments 9
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re. Small Confessional
2nd Apr 2016 11:10am
Re: Re. Small Confessional
2nd Apr 2016 11:25am
Thanks! I appreciate your comments and taking the time to read my post.
Cheers!
Cheers!
Re. Small Confessional
2nd Apr 2016 3:11pm
I really enjoyed reading this and found it lovely how you personified history as a frappe that could be rekindled by a heart.
0
Re: Re. Small Confessional
2nd Apr 2016 3:37pm
Thank you! I was so in a dark place when I wrote this about an estranged long-term friendship.
Cheers and again, thanks for commenting.
Cheers and again, thanks for commenting.
Re: Re. Small Confessional
I've been thinking about this, I'm not so certain the semi-colon
ensuing 'blender' is correct. It interrupts the flow as well, makes
you pause more so than a comma would. I think the emphasis of
the pause should be after ice, where the semi-colon is correct,
and connects another sentence. Otherwise it's a bit choppy.
Although "Filled with ice" is a sentence, it seems more of a fragmented
one rather than full sentence in this context to me. Too much so to stand
on it's own between two semi-colons.
ensuing 'blender' is correct. It interrupts the flow as well, makes
you pause more so than a comma would. I think the emphasis of
the pause should be after ice, where the semi-colon is correct,
and connects another sentence. Otherwise it's a bit choppy.
Although "Filled with ice" is a sentence, it seems more of a fragmented
one rather than full sentence in this context to me. Too much so to stand
on it's own between two semi-colons.
0
Re: Re. Small Confessional
2nd Apr 2016 7:36pm
Re: Re. Small Confessional
22nd May 2016 12:11pm
Re. Small Confessional
3rd Apr 2016 1:51am
Re: Re. Small Confessional
22nd May 2016 12:10pm
Thanks for reading and leaving comment. I took some feedback and edited.