Negatvity

So much negativity on my mind,
My dad thinks it's easy for me to find
A way into positivity,
But he can't really see the way I'm missing her,
But life always has to throw obstacles that continue to block her away from me,
If only God could see what I'm fighting,
Maybe he'd strike down these demons with lightning,
Because what I'm doing is right, even though the lighting in my world seems to be curling out from my heart,
Honestly, I don't even want to be a part of this world,
I want to be dead and gone,
Forgotten, and thrown into a place that no one
Would dare go into,
Grab a gun and shoot a few
Caps into my skull,
I've had enough, my life is full
Of this hurtful shit,
That'll just have me end up dead in a ditch,
Or with my wrists slit,
Falling straight down into a pit.