deepundergroundpoetry.com
Mamma
I mever meant to walk in your shoes
I never meant to pick up the bottle
Look at your daughter, your princess
Look at how far I've come from fairytales
Scars mark my skin and my clothes don't fit
Look at my body shaking with anxiety
You've asked me so many times to help you end it
Now look at your daughter ending herself
Mamma, I wish you'd been stronger
Maybe we wouldn't be here if you had been
You wouldn't be crying in your car
With a baby you never wanted
I wouldn't be hiding from the world in my room
Drinking and crying at the unfairness of the world
Mamma, I wish you could have held me tonight
For the last time I wish to say I'm sorryy
I'm sorry for killing the princess inside me
By loving the kind of men you did
I'm sorry for not being able to change the past
I'm sorry for being just like you
I look in the mirror and I see your pain my eyes
I look at my wrists and they're yours Mamma
They look just like yours, daughter like mother
Aren't you still proud of your princess...
I'm sorry Mamma for being just like you
I wish I was different, I wish I was stronger
I never meant to pick up the bottle
Look at your daughter, your princess
Look at how far I've come from fairytales
Scars mark my skin and my clothes don't fit
Look at my body shaking with anxiety
You've asked me so many times to help you end it
Now look at your daughter ending herself
Mamma, I wish you'd been stronger
Maybe we wouldn't be here if you had been
You wouldn't be crying in your car
With a baby you never wanted
I wouldn't be hiding from the world in my room
Drinking and crying at the unfairness of the world
Mamma, I wish you could have held me tonight
For the last time I wish to say I'm sorryy
I'm sorry for killing the princess inside me
By loving the kind of men you did
I'm sorry for not being able to change the past
I'm sorry for being just like you
I look in the mirror and I see your pain my eyes
I look at my wrists and they're yours Mamma
They look just like yours, daughter like mother
Aren't you still proud of your princess...
I'm sorry Mamma for being just like you
I wish I was different, I wish I was stronger
Published 16th Mar 2016
| Edited 17th Mar 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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16th Mar 2016 6:32pm
We just can't escape where we came from. I was howling in pain last night, losing sleep upon realizing how much like my bio-dad I'd become, despite having only met him 6 times. Neither of my parents wanted me either and that message was clearly sent.
My sister and I promised each other when we were little that we'd be cycle breakers by not having kids. Neither of us did, choosing instead to make our own lives into our crusade. But then life is a verb and when you learn to loathe that's what you dance to with every move. That's a harder cycle to sever.
We walk as a reflection of what we learned to want, what was wanted of us. This is delivered in the lines
Scars mark my skin and my clothes don't fit
Look at my body shaking with anxiety
You've asked me so many times to help you end it
Now look at your daughter ending herself
Mamma, I wish you'd been stronger
Maybe we wouldn't be here if you had been
That's how the circle runs the circuit, huh?
Connect the dots on that story...
I'm sorry for killing the princess inside me
By loving the kind of men you did
I'm sorry for not being able to change the past
I'm sorry for being just like you
Our story begins before our first breath and those dots, landmarks and landmines are where our nature rests, the study sheet for life's test. It takes ambition and focus of will to re-write the map.
My sister and I promised each other when we were little that we'd be cycle breakers by not having kids. Neither of us did, choosing instead to make our own lives into our crusade. But then life is a verb and when you learn to loathe that's what you dance to with every move. That's a harder cycle to sever.
We walk as a reflection of what we learned to want, what was wanted of us. This is delivered in the lines
Scars mark my skin and my clothes don't fit
Look at my body shaking with anxiety
You've asked me so many times to help you end it
Now look at your daughter ending herself
Mamma, I wish you'd been stronger
Maybe we wouldn't be here if you had been
That's how the circle runs the circuit, huh?
Connect the dots on that story...
I'm sorry for killing the princess inside me
By loving the kind of men you did
I'm sorry for not being able to change the past
I'm sorry for being just like you
Our story begins before our first breath and those dots, landmarks and landmines are where our nature rests, the study sheet for life's test. It takes ambition and focus of will to re-write the map.
23rd Mar 2016 11:47pm
I wish I could accept my life but I never will. I love my mother but it I wish I wasn't like her.
11th Apr 2016 10:37am
