deepundergroundpoetry.com
Minus you
Lights out through your window
I'm only doing what the voices told me to
You'll beg cause you're just like the rest
Can't breathe as the blood escapes your chest
Night after night I take a life
I'm sick in my head I don't know pain
I drink it from your eyes
Gently embrace you as you die
You can't live forever
even if you wanted to
I'm here to take you there
Life goes on minus you
I'm only doing what the voices told me to
You'll beg cause you're just like the rest
Can't breathe as the blood escapes your chest
Night after night I take a life
I'm sick in my head I don't know pain
I drink it from your eyes
Gently embrace you as you die
You can't live forever
even if you wanted to
I'm here to take you there
Life goes on minus you
Published 15th Mar 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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comments 4
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The author encourages honest critique.
16th Mar 2016 4:00pm
Dark, eerie, slightly morbid write...AWESOME job LBV!
Loved the flow and descriptiveness you used, only thing I will say though, is I was really enjoying the rhyme scheme you started out with, and would have liked to have seen it continue throughout. Other then that though, great ink LBV keep it up, cheers.
19xx
Loved the flow and descriptiveness you used, only thing I will say though, is I was really enjoying the rhyme scheme you started out with, and would have liked to have seen it continue throughout. Other then that though, great ink LBV keep it up, cheers.
19xx
16th Mar 2016 10:22pm
17th Mar 2016 9:05am
Nice tone set in this, it could be trimmed a little to better the flow in places but yeah I liked this...very nice line to end on :)
17th Mar 2016 4:06pm
Thank you, I am more of a lyricist so I take most of what I right from songs I've written. I found that the longer the poem or song, the less most people take time to read it. So I just use snippets, but maybe by doing that, something gets lost in the translation... Thank you so much for your input...
