Him

And that was it
I realized the one simple fact I had been forgetting
When I am sober
You are my every thought
You are every bit of pollution I am breathing in
You are, without a doubt, every clouded dream I have as soon as I hit the pillow
And there is only one way to get rid of you
I have to drown my thoughts in toxins that kill the flowers growing in my mind
Try to breathe in new pollution that puts out the brightness of the stars in my throat
And as for the dreams, they have turned into beautiful nightmares that wake me up to cry in the middle of the night
So when I think
Or when I breathe
Or even when I dream
You will not be the one thing on my mind
You will just be a story in a good book I've read
A cowardly character in the movie I watched last week
You will be nothing to me but a false memory
Until the next day rolls around and something happens to make me think of you
It's like being sick, so the doctor gives you antibiotics
You don't finish them all because you feel fine
So, the sickness comes back day after day
You are a sickness
The memory of you is a disease that comes back day after day
But for some reason I cannot finish all of my medicine
No matter how bad it hurts knowing you'll be back in my head
Im stuck in an endless loop of feeling okay just for a little bit
Until it hits me harder the next time and there is no way to get rid of it because my methods are failing
My body has become immune to the whiskey I use to water the flowers
My body has become immune to the constant drags I take to black out the stars
Sleep has become harder and harder, yet my body has become more and more used to no sleep
All of this time I have wasted forming bad habits to try and make myself feel better
All of this time I have wasted trying to figure out how to make it seem like you never existed
Trying to forget every word you said, every thing you did, every little thing about you
All of this time thinking and crying and writing..
I could've used to find someone new.