Laudanum and Life (AkA Cough Medicine Epiphany Cacophony)

(Full disclosure: Writing under the influence of medicine to help with sinus congestion...)

We get mad when we find out people are using us but then we proudly display the things we are being used for like trophies; “they may just be using us but we are sexy, smart, creative, strong, etc, after all”

…tearing ourselves down and building replacement architecture around the wounds of our vulnerable hearts, desperately craving acceptance and love on a level significant enough that we to allow ourselves to pretend we aren’t being used for as long as the users can put on an act acceptable enough to not shake us away from the delusion.

Which brings to question two points: Why does it offend us to be used when we are the ones so desperate to pretend, and why do we pretend when we obviously deeply crave something real out of life, desire beyond craving yearning for an anchor of connection with another human, somebody that genuinely gets us, accepts us…even… maybe …loves us?
But instead, the rawness of honesty leaves us too often in the cold embrace of the depths of rejection, depression, isolation…longing.
So we create expectations to hold us in conditional happiness while accepting data from life that unabashedly biases the way we see the situation.

We can be honest with ourselves and suffer until we don’t ever have to suffer again… strong after trials have taught us who we are and where we fit in the world, or we can keep pretending everything is ok and that going through the motions will keep us safest, tuck like a baby in a haze of acceptance, crumbling at each encounter of unfavorable human behavior.

You have to open your eyes to make the gift of sight work. You are as strong as you choose. You don't have to jump whenever you bump into something with your eyes closed.