Nightflies - Neuro/John

Nightflies - Neuro/John

Date: Wed, 11 Aug 1999 08:09:36 GMT

Neuro
pennylessdreadfulbored
by Neurotic
empty pockets make your own fun
sarcastic trades cure apathy
stepping off the cloud star-staggering incomplete, everyone, quick, look the other way
46, 47 violent gray matter carousing
bend the heaven limbs,
burrow close the furrowed brows
he slits his palm before he pleasures the solitude of sweaty nights
this is love
self-inflicted love
in the heartland of hysteria

John
Are you, saying what I think you’re saying here? <> “Hey don’t knock my hobby. Masturbation is sex with someone I love, “Woody Allen” Actually I have a little confession to make. I have a significant other. Oops!! Let the cat out of the bag. But as you know boys will be boys. I guess that ends our sordid little thingy. “Love on the rocks. Ain’t no big surprise. Pour me a drink and I’ll tell you some lies.” Don’t worry, I gave up Neil Diamond for lent long ago.
Yours Truly,
Urban Cowboy

neuro  
Actually yeah, I am suggesting that. I dun know, the nights’ve been strange, cut me some slack. I blame it on infectious youth memoirs (which sounds kinda ridiculous). I used to hang on the fringe of the local punk scene (sxe for life baby!) and I recently bought meself the first punk album in YEARS and it’s doing all this crazy shite to my mindframe. I just wanna punch someone in the head, feeling all sweaty hot and 15 and angst ridden again, pumping my chippy nailpolished fist into the smoky air of a graffitied basement.

John
sex, lies, and s&m
And you say you’re not into the sadistickinkysex scene? I think you were goofing me. You sound like a mad chick cruising the hot asphalt seeking kicks in steamy encounters full of bloody pumping spiritual violence. No disrespect intended. I think its great to be dark, mad, and free. I think I’ll break out my old Billy Idol tape. Rock the Cradle of love, Urban Cowboy

Neuro
no disrespect perceived
that’s “dark, mad, *neurotic,* and free” to you, bucko ; ) ‘on the fringe’ of it all, Untouchable winding through all the social typecasts, mad-crazy spiritual dancer punk’s not dead core-raver intelligensia poet jock not to mention my um... darkside.

John
Truth or Dare. I dare you to write a prose piece exploring your dark side. Perhaps something about the punk scene. (Neurotic thinking, ‘gawd this guy is too weird’’)

neuro  
Ahh......TRUTH!
my shadow work is too extensive to include here. not to mention too raw and precious to me
. besides, I’d have to do a helluva lot of elaboration (lying) to drag my mostly nascent punkrock roots into a discourse (or prose piece) discussing my quote/unquote “darkside.” Sorry for any disappointments. I guess there’s still redemption in a really good question, if I’m inclined to answer truthfully.

John
Truth it is! Allright, dawling. Truth then. Have you ever experienced a pain, either emotional or physical, so exquisite, so delicious that it felt like pleasure? If so please describe.

John
Ok Ok, too personal. I know. Well here is simpler less intrusive question. Of these qualities, which do you consider most important in a relationship? Passion, sensuality, love, tolerance, respect, commitment, gentle personality, similar interests, honesty, or last but certainly not least, being financially secure. Please answer truthfully. Alright, hard choice I know. Better yet rank them in order from most important to least. If you like you may explain why you picked the number one choice. ~popping a cherry in my mouth~^Ah how sweet^

neuro
jeepers
I considered the previous question only to realize that pain is very much pain to me, though at times I have felt so inexplicably amazing it somehow reminded me of contrary extremes (hurt) inducing a sort of cathartic “good pain,” these incidents probably not of any interest to this forum. So I’ll try numero deux. Hmm  this is tough.
And that’s a lot of qualities. I would have to say honesty and attraction (though you didn’t include the latter, it’s just as well). With honesty both will understand what each other want/expect out of the relationship, plus save themselves from some messy situation in the future. And attraction, well, without it (and sensuality/passion/love) what the hell’s the point?
Respect complements honesty I automatically respect honest people, even if they’re (for all intensive purposes) “bad people,” unless they stock really irrational justifications for their actions simply to cast the illusion of “depth” or paradox. A gentle personality is good, as long as there’s fluctuations. I’m a little manic-depressive myself and I find it disturbing when people don’t occasionally get pissed at something or other. Sharing similar interests blah blah, tres important, especially to uphold the honesty aspect ; ) conversation must be difficult between coal miners and carnies, but what do I know, I’ve never mined coal. Commitment, that builds on its own (or fails to), it shouldn’t be a problem, not if everyone’s *honest.* (really plugging this honesty thing, eh?--irony me with all my secrets, heh heh). Oh, and financial security? whatever. “Empty pockets make your own fun.” Viva ramen noodles. A roof and shoes without holes. And an electric connection. and that’s that.

John
To expand on this theme, do you think there is such a thing as being “soulmates”, in the sense that two people fit together like a hand in a glove? Or do you think two people, with different biologies, personal histories, and experiences can possibly just fit together snugly? Do you think that any relationship involves a lot of adaptation of the one to another? Do you think that in a sense the whole idea of compatibility is an oxymoron? There are relationships between people of seemingly totally opposite personae’s that seem to work well and even have chemistry. Although the saying opposites attract is out of fashion, perhaps one could say that being opposite doesn’t detract from the relationship. My grandparents for example. My grandmother is a very bookish, scholarly type person, and my grandfather an outdoorsman. Looking at them individually one would never think they are compatible. And yet they truly achieve synchronicity. And psychology has a lot to say about this. Perhaps, in some cases people who seem to have different interest on the surface can be compatible. Like a fervent conservative and a fervent liberal have in common that they are both fervant and into politics. A passionate Christian and a passionate agnostic scientist both have in common their passion for the big questions of life. Ever see the movie, “Contact”? Perhaps it’s not just who two people are that matters but rather how they perceive each other. For instance if two people meet in a restaurant and one is in a grumpy mood the soil may not be fertile for romance and a relationship may not form in the future, simply because of the initial perception. As they say, “first impressions are lasting.” Like on this board.
People take on personas which may be nothing like their day to day personas. Perhaps if we had met under different circumstances your perception of me would be totally different. Perhaps It’s not just initial dishonesty that can cause messes in the future but initial misperception. Perception is reality as they say. I would say attraction in the sense of sexual chemistry, is not as important. Our culture makes sex into a kind of obsession. But tell me who in their right mind would want to marry Pamela Anderson? Sure she’s physically attractive, but I think chemistry has to be deeper than lust. Young people in particular are obsessed with sex. Our culture promotes body types for women that create anorexia and poor self images. I think attraction must be more than chemical. Because people aren’t just chemicals, they have a spirit, or whatever you want to call it. Perhaps many people whose relationships fail think it’s because of moving in different directions. But how can two people remain on the same tangent for a lifetime? Perhaps the key is nurturing the relationship. Just food for thought.
Yours Truly, Urban Cowboy
PS I realize that you probably agree with most of the above, but I just wanted to clarify the issues.

neuro
some more babble
yeah, I guess I do believe in soulmates, but as you suggested, it could be any one person from a convenient collection of like-minded folk (and not just *one single soul* that you gotta kick your ass all over the world to find). I’ve come to realize that if you rip into *anyone* long enough, you’re gonna find a whole lot of interesting, scary, profound, um, sh*t. At least collective fears/hopes/dreams/ anxieties that everyone shares, a hearty heap of jung/campbell theory. etc. etc. and first impressions/perceptions are very important. which you already know, I’m just reinforcing. I especially find this interesting on the internet--all the personas, all the different ways to express and perceive. All of this with no physical interaction, no body language, no significant voice inflection.
<> -->do you mean in general, or specifically on this board? if the latter, all seems highly ironic, since I basically said quit the shifting headvoices, yeah, “pick a handle and go with it” or something to that effect. and with the on-going perceptions and reactions, remember I took extreme offense to a misunderstanding, only to learn it was all you, all the time, just screwing with me (whether intentionally or not, it’s hardly relevant). I could’ve felt much resentment/ embarassment, started flaming you or dropped this board all together. But  I *didn’t.* damn it. and maybe that has more to do with the fact that you’re the only one who talks to me on this forum(and maybe we’re the only ones here... all present, raise their hands! and I receive digital shrugs and silence, maybe we’re boring the hell out of everyone, sigh).  oh, and I just want to add, when perception equals reality, we’ve got problems. though it is a lot more interesting that way. when I said attraction, I meant on all levels--physical, mental, emotional. I’ve been in love with people’s minds before. I’ve been in love with souls. though I’ll stick to “physical attraction” as being important in a “physical relationship.” and people have different ideals of what is “physically” attractive, not always conforming to the standards pop culture (we) has (have) set for us (ourselves). You used pamela anderson as an example. I’ll use brad pitt. Sure, he’s got the cutesy boyish smile, but he does absolutely *nothing* for me. and no one believes me, either. He doesn’t *shine,* ye know? He doesn’t glow, and that has nothing to do with facial proportion-- just that “something else,” beyond the chemicals of which you spoke. intangible.  and that about wraps it up. have a nice night, goldenmyst (and anyone else out there).
Neuro

John
Forgiveness
I am speechless! Again neurotic, you have brought me back to reality. “Accept the truth and the truth shall set you free.” Much thanks for not flaming me. Lord knows I deserved it. Thanks for absolving me. Thanks for not dropping this board too. I’ve really enjoyed our verbal jousts. Once again, I have been put in my place.  ~awestruck by your keen mind and calm wit~ Eternally grateful, Urban Cowboy

Neuro
<<<<<> -->do you mean in general, or specifically on this board? if the latter, all seems highly ironic, since I basically said quit the shifting headvoices, yeah, “pick a handle and go with it” or something to that effect. and with the on-going perceptions and reactions, remember I took extreme offense to a misunderstanding, only to learn it was all you, all the time, just screwing with me (whether intentionally or not, it’s hardly relevant). I could’ve felt much resentment/embarassment, started flaming you or dropped this board all together. but I *didn’t.* damn it. and maybe that has more to do with the fact that you’re the only one who talks to me on this forum>>>>

neuro
ahh, John 8:32 one of the few bible verses I figured worth memorizing. hmmm, and now I suppose I’m pissing God off--at least I’m not the only one. I think I’ll steer clear from that thread, though. yer on yer own, urbby.  oh, and as for the absolution--any time, guy. *a-ny time.* it’s nice to be appreciated. but now I’m tying up the phone line, and reality’s bitching. later.
meowing freedom?

neuro  
yeah, yeah, the cat *is* out of the bag, no worries,
ha ha, I guess I was playing kinda hard to get, but that’s mostly because I couldn’t decide whether you were a pervert or a lesbian. All the riotgirrl erotica sort of threw me, though I don’t condemn you, afterall, guys getting it on sort of turns me on, too. anybody got any idea why that is/comments on the subject in general? sigh, so what if i’m insane.

John
Sexual Personae
The pervert part I take the fifth amendment on. I consider myself polymorphously perverse. As to thinking I was a riot-grrl lesbian, wow what a complement. I was really that convincing? I guess gender roles are blending so much these days that one can never tell. As to why two women, well umh umh, is a turn on. I don’t know. Maybe because, it takes out the icky male parts. And visa versa for women. Maybe it brings us a catharsis, because we, males, feel freer to explore our own female aspects which we have hidden behind a wall of machismo. By seeing two women we can put ourselves in the role of a woman, identifying with the feelings they are going through, without the emasculating prospect of our latent homosexuality. For women perhaps the reverse. They can have the experience of being a male, or feeling the aggressive feelings of a male, without the fear of facing their latent lesbian feelings. Or maybe they aren’t always expressing latent homosexuality, just wanting to switch gender roles. By watching two people of the opposite sex, they can experience, in a sort virtual reality kind of way, what it’s like to be a woman or man, without putting themselves in a homosexual situation which may not turn them on. Lot’s of men like to dress up in lingerie and makeup for their women. Less common, many women like to dress up as men. Same idea. There is a catharsis in changing roles. Like the electric charge when magnetic poles switch alignment. I don’t know if all this makes complete sense, but I think the gender role switching is sort of the key to it.