various daydreams ive had in your bed

one, we are on the monkey bars, hanging upside down
our dresses have fallen over our heads,
and we both look like ghosts
we have dandelion stems for hair,
we spin until we fall down, fingerpaint hearts,
and hold hands when we cross the street

two, you have forgotten that we are both girls
that we are supposed to feel dirty when we kiss
and grateful when no one is angry

three, we are in a bathtub full of leeches
they get bigger as we get smaller
you feel safe anyway
i tell you that is enough

four, i have forgotten the definition of jealous
it doesn’t swell in my throat when you say
people aren’t meant to be monogamous
i am just happy he makes you happy

five, you kiss me on the trampoline
he says it doesn’t count as cheating
but we feel like it does anyways,
like there is something legitimate about this

six, we take off our masks, we are both skeletons
our bones are warm and fit together like a birds nest
it is like how it is in the morning all the time
except your mother isn’t screaming anymore

seven, we are two butterflies in a cocoon
we wriggle out together
and fly in opposite directions

eight, i do the dishes, you wear flannel pajamas
we are domestic and it feels like home

nine, that last fantasy doesn’t make me nauseous

ten, i am not sick anymore, i eat in front of you
and don’t have to take my meds,
my fingers aren’t so cold, i’m not waiting for you to break my heart
my sister doesn’t mind

eleven, i kiss him in front of you
it breaks your heart
 
twelve, we are bald babies next to each other in the hospital
i love you before i know what it means

thirteen, we walk by each other in the hallway
we’ve never even met
there is intimacy in knowing nothing about each other

fourten, I am no longer imagining other places
we could be
besides this bed