tonight

A beautiful, heartfelt poem case, tender, sorrowful, her fear of loss jumps all over me...
You've captured that feeling so well from a woman's point of view...would it be any different from a man's point of view about the same situation?
Can you write one please?

Thanks, Kate, for your beautiful comment.  I don't think I would've  posted this poem, if it wasn't for your PM when you first read it in that feminine comp.  
 
I wrote this poem as a reminder to myself how selfish and destructive we can be when one is blinded by their dreams.  I'm not sure if I could resurrect the emotions and thoughts of the male's perspective, I'm pretty sure there were poems written in my catalogue around this time, I think Perfect Loveless was one poem and perhaps Sly Fox... men and women really are on different planets when the end is coming.

http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/117783-perfect-loveless/
   
Thanks again for your support and the list add.

You're the quintessential romantic-fornicator, Gabriel.  Stoked you loved those lines.

the bed's as distant as a desert island,
sorrow caressed by the tradewinds.
well crafted...

And this is the unsent message in the bottle found in the remains under the coconut tree.  
   
Thank you, Mr Feddeler.

Another write from a female perspective. Your alter ego is totally a woman, heh.

Right so here's my dilemma - I'm not sure if this piece was trying to show an overload of sensitivity and vulnerability (like a satirical dig) or if this was genuinely written to express the female mind. It's different to what we usually read from you, I'm not sure I like it... but that's only because honest critique is required.

I did however enjoy the image of the well-loved mattress. That does display a certain history that really added a time frame to the write.

Hmm.

Thank you for the read ☺️

Sadly, this is no joke.  
   
I've reined back my feminine side a bit to make it less calamity jane.    
   
Thanks for your honest critique, Missy. 😉

I liked the concept, can't be easy writing from a female perspective. though I suppose you've done a helluva lot of research..

spotted a couple of typos last night, think you've caught them. ..'cept maybe smuggle in the couplet tween second and third

there's a couple of words which I thought maybe could go:

acridly, in the first stanza, p'raps cos its a three syllable, perhaps cos I think of acrid as a smell thing so it didn't compute.

..."computer says no".

I'll not go through your words with a nit comb. I think, if you're of the mind to, it can be tightened up a little

on the whole though, I found it a decent enough read. different. it didn't cross my mind til I read the comment above, now I wonder too

either way, fair bit of skill involved here. *hat tip *

Keep shinnin'  convict

Thanks, Craic, for your critique.  I've made a few changes, tightened things up in a few stanzas.  I think it works better, I'll give it some air and come back to it again.  I like the word "acridly", but now that you've brought it to my attention, I'm not sure if it is a word the protagonist would use to describe her own feelings in this scenario.  Thanks again for your valuable feedback.

"secrets held in palms      
whispers shared under sheets      
losing track of time, caught in conversations      
sliding closer and closer      
where a well-loved mattress should      
hold memory" <---  romantic hallmark moment right c'here. In love with this stanza.

I actually love this Case! It's been a minute since I've inhaled your ink, and I love the way it smells. Wonderful write...

Ms Rain Courtel, it's an absolute honour to have you drop by to read and comment on my work.  Thank you for sharing the love and for the RL. [i promise to make the time to visit your sweet poetic walls very soon!!]

I agree with Rain, that verse really is the one that stands out in this piece. "Where a well-loved mattress should hold memory ".... Brilliant line! Nice write Case28

Great [dala] Dane, thank you for your kind words, I appreciate you dropping by to read my stuff.

I think i had read this before & said something of this write to you..well, i dunn remember exactly what that was Case.
To me..the title is totally a capsulated &  perfect foil to the write, which to me is a helically wound in & out imagery of an immovable~sorta drudgery "now'  & the ever-extending timelessness the lovelessness the dreaminess....I feel u when u say in a reply to Kate's comment above, "how selfish and destructive we can be when one is blinded by their dreams" ..I moreso feel the emotive depths running in the subject here, which I prefer not of genderizations:) simply cos I accept n adore at many places the "sensitivity & vulnerability"(as hit ryt by Missy),
esp. in this stanza, I know what u say, the yearn n pains..
"here I am, accepting my marriage is      
broken, possibly broken beyond repair      
desperately waiting for      
my husband      
my friend      
to come back to me      
to take me in his arms      
to find the hurt in my eyes"    
but equally feel like..whatever smelted the iron as if in a fluidized fragility, its grittiness inner is its  finality...
dunn know if i conveyed that to ur clarity in tat , but felt to say so Case.. sometimes all feels irreversible:(

Am afraid am not goin in a debate of the vital thought frame of this poem..
but the read affected me more, I just feel what I am n am not from ur verses , n thus my response:)

different from ur many writes n what I come across from other poets here too, way not too specific in theme..
its the larger essence that grips a soul continually...forever. This forever meloncholy...& that what I love in this!

bravo, well penned Mr, Case. Hats off!

( seems am in sabbatical of my poetic pen n reads as usual yet again? fdunn know heh, n excuse my feedback if not helping u my friend;)

Uma, I remember two people PM me after I posted this poem in a comp, and you were one of them.  It's great to have that kind of support and feedback. Thank you. Your tremendous critiques, thoughts and positive feedback are always greatly appreciated.  Oh, and thanks for the RL! :)

Such reflected heartbreak - and introspective sophistication - phenomenally mature - bravo maestro

Sometimes poems are more than a means of expression.  Some poems are like doors that need to be closed once you've left the room.  
 
You're a gentleman, a thinker and poet I have great appreciation for here on DU.  Thanks your comment and for adding this poem to your reading list, whale.

This piece will tug the heartstrings of many a swooning lady Mr Case.  Beautifully written, and you have captured the female love and longing so well.  Maybe we are not so far removed from the male species.  Great stuff.  :)

Swooning? Flip!  I hope not.  I assure you men and women are still from different planets, maybe men don't fully develop their hearing and perception until they reach middle age.  Thanks Madga for dropping by and for the blind compliment. ;)

This is brilliant. Words which resonate so deeply.
The thoughts, the emptiness, the loneliness which can exist.
You captured all of it, within these words.
You are such a great talent.